I nominate the never-transmitted footage of Ali G impersonating Richard Madeley.
PAUL ROSS: And the amazing thing was, as a kid growing up in the East End, that a man could fall through a gap in a bar, it just blew me away."
RICHARD AND JUDY in bed
Judy: Richard I can't cope.
Richard: What you want me to stop? Am I being too heavy-duty again?
Judy: No, I'm not talking about your technique. I'm worried about the TV awards.
Richard: Isn't that strange?
Richard: That we were both thinking about the same thing during sex.
Judy: Hmm that would be an excellent subject for one of our humanitarian phone-ins.
Richard: Yeah we could get the callers to guess what we were thinking about.
Judy: Richard sometimes you say some stupid things during intercourse. I meant the things people think about during sex.
Richard: That's not stupid. Remember that one time that mind-reader came on the show and guessed correctly that what I was thinking?
Judy: What was that?
Richard: You remember. At that moment I was wondering what was being sold on QVC.
(Judy looks orgasmically puzzled)
Richard: Well, anyway do you think we'll pick it up?
Judy: No Raj Persode had a look at it. It was just a pustule.
Richard: Not that! I meant the TV award.
Judy: I don't want to think about it. We're up against some tough opposition this year. That bitch Sarah Greene and her shit-house auction programme. All I can say is thank God 'Supermarket Sweep' has finished.
Richard: Beep beep!
Judy: What was that? Richard sometimes you're so childish.
Richard: I was just trying to tell you I'd finished. I'm all done. You can put the electric blanket back on again now.
Richard switches the light off. Only glimmers of light can be seen reflecting off their many previously won TV awards. Judy stirs and switches the light immediately back on noticing one glimmer was missing.
Judy: Richard look! One of our awards is missing.
Richard: Where? Oh no. Not 1997 Best Incessant Emission. It's our son. He's pawned it the bastard. I was wondering how he managed to afford that Murder Deluxe™ Machete.
to be continued by another forum member...