Mrs Arthur Dwight
AD: Right you are love, put kettle on and make us a nice cup of tea love.
MRS AD: OK love, should I wake the rent boy you brought home last night love.
AD: No let the poor bugger sleep love; I've had 'im all shapes and ways last night the lad needs his sleep before he goes to school.
MRS AD: You are thoughtful dear, there's not many would have the consideration you have.
AD: Well love that's why I'm on council love. I don't want no lads going down pit if they're willing ta go down on me for money.
MRS AD: You're a good man Arthur, everyone says so. You've done so much for the lads and lasses. Before you took over they were defeated, on their knees with nowt to do. Now you're providing work for them whilst their on their knees.
AD: Thanks love. Er I think the lads up, I can hear him. I may just get him in the shower before work.
RODNEY: Now Del, you ain't gonna fall over again are you? 50 times a year is to much!
DEL: Nah, Rodders, watch me charm the birds...
[Chandelier falls on him]
[Another forum-goer has already combined the clips in this way, but I thought it was so good I would repeat it.]
BASIL FAWLTY: Well you started it.
GERMANS: We did not!
BASIL FAWLTY: Yes, you did you invaded Poland!
GERMANS: Your name will also go in the book! What is your name?
CAPTAIN MAINWAIRING: Don't tell him, Fawlty!
GERMANS: Fawlty, right!
BASIL FAWLTY: Ooh, Betty, I've been articulated!
[Chandelier falls on him]
I apologize for the Ben Elton sketch I wrote. I had been sucking on too many fisherman's friends and again, re-reading the Orton Diaries. It should of course have said chandelier instead of 'rent boy'.
A chandelier can't work on its knees. It would topple over. Like a man in a wine bar.
Or how about just dropping a chandalier on Chandler from Friends, ooh what delicious irony.. hmm
I actually had the idea of writing the most hilarious joke in the world , that is so funny it is actually lethal, ala Monty Python, it would consist of Del Boy and Trigger in the Nags Head, then it gets stormed by a various fascist regime, Triggers sings a hilarious rhyme pertaining to these fascists, they then ask him for his name and Del says 'Don't tell him Trigger' and then proceeds to fall through the bar. But this would never be broadcastable, or the entire population of British plebs might die laughing. Actually, the Corpses should get this broadcast as it would eliminate all the worthless plebs infecting this country, they can be the new Nazis, eliminating plebish humour troughout the land.
Oh for fucks sake!
I've just watched the League Of Gentlemen video and it has a trailer for the new Beeb releases. This includes a video with the best bits of BBC comedy including (and this is not a joke!) Basil Fawlty talking german, Del boy falling through a bar, "Don't tell him Pike", Dandy Nichols saying "Everywhere's crowded at Christmas", and probably Frank Spencer being 'articulated'.
NNNNNMMMMMMGGGGGHHH! WHY?!? Do we really need to see these bits again, let alone own them OUT OF CONTEXT!!! Release the Goodies if you have too much spare tapes in your archives, BBC, rather than rehashing old clips that everyone 'kinda likes'.
... and as for 'Here come the Belgians - The Best Of It's A Knockout', well,...
UK Gold have been playing the 'Don't tell him Pike' bit 24/7 as an advert for 'the greatest british sitcome moments EVER'. There moments were 'funny' in the show, but why the hell are they ripping them out and making them examples of the funniest jokes ever, they're pretty poor in that respect. It's funny how the BBC aren't showing any 'Best Comedy Bit EVER' clips from any show from the last 10 years, maybe it's because BBC Comedy is totally shit, and they can only give examples of bits from long dead programs that were commissioned back when people took risks.