All six Flying Circus members have produced at least one excellent non-Python project in their careers, and - in Eric Idle’s case - it was Rutland Weekend Television (12/5/75 - 24/12/76).
Often over-shadowed by The Rutles - the Beatles spoof which span off from the series - the original sketch material in RWT has often gone over-looked and under-valued. Dissenters at the time may have complained that it was a derivative and pointless extension of Pythonesque sketch comedy, but the absence of repeats has meant that modern viewers have been denied the chance to reply ‘No it wasn’t - it was great, especially The Fabulous Bingo Brothers’.
1.
Reasons for the lack of RWT re-runs remains unclear, but many sources point the blame at Idle himself. It appears that Idle had blocked repeat-showings of the series on the grounds that the money wasn’t right - a cunty display of stubbornness, admittedly, but perhaps an understandable one considering that the BBC, who originally paid him very badly for the broadcasts, now wish to exploit the show under the Python banner. The situation is worse in America, where the series has apparently never been shown: the ‘Monny Pythaaaaaaarrn’ idiots in the States would love every minute of RWT, but they remain ignorant of its contents. UK Gold, who ran a repeat showing of The Innes Book Of Records in 1993, received requests for RWT screenings, but no such broadcasts emerged. Until...
2.
In December 1998, UK Arena began transmitting repeats of the first series. The shows, however, were edited to accommodate commercial breaks - the original half-hour broadcasts running at 24+ minutes apiece. This had been a teething problem for UK Gold in its early days, who had not realised that material would have to be lopped out of shows if adverts were to be included. They received complaints about this policy, and soon ran all programmes intact within a 40-minute time stand. UK Arena have obviously not learnt from their example, and the RWT repeats were butchered crudely. Some particularly strong items were dropped (usually one of Neil Innes’ songs per episode), but it’s fair to say that - given the quality of the material throughout - any editing would be unforgivable. Some shows were cut more heavily than others, and it’s possible that those which got away relatively unscathed had an original running time of about 27 minutes (the length for all six episodes of fourth-series Python), whilst those which had several items cut ran at a full 30 minutes. Anyway, here is a breakdown - based on the tracklisting in Robert Ross' Monty Python Encyclopaedia and some original tapes we acquired (ironically, from someone in America) is what was cut:
SHOW
1'Startime Song' by Stoop Solo, which followed on from Idle’s link about ‘a society for preserving Neil Innes songs, which will never catch on’. Showing their abject lack of intelligence regarding programme structure, UK Arena chose this moment to go to an ad break. The unedited version has Idle, following his instance that the society will catch on, actually introducing Innes (with a brief cut back to him during the intro for an indignant 'See?'). Also cut was the following trail:
CAPTION: THE WEEK AHEAD ON RWT - MONDAY: CHURCHILL'S CAT
V/O (IDLE) (CAPTIONS CHANGE THROUGHOUT, ILLUSTRATING THE VOICEOVER)Next Monday marks the 80th anniversary of the birth of Churchill's cat. Rutland Weekend will be celbrating this event with a four-hour dramatisation of the cat's life, with Sir Laurence Olivier playing the vet and Arthur Askey as 'Puss'. There's also an exhibition of Churchill's cat litters at the Victoria and Albert Museum, and you can buy a memorial medallion with a picture of Churchill and a little pussycat. On Tuesday, at ten-thirty, you can see 'It's The Churchills again'. This non-award-winning 192-part drama series continues with Lulu as Rita McChurchill, the little-known aunt of Fred Churchill who was to grow up to be not a relation of any of the famous ones. Thursday night of course means 'Top Of The Pops'.
CLIP FROM SAID PROGRAMME. POP MUSIC PLAYS (ACTUALLY THE INTRO FROM INNES' 'FRONT LOADER' WHICH FEATURES LATER IN THE SERIES). TYPICAL SWIRLING 70s VIDEO FX. WINSTON CHURCHILL DANCES TO THIS A LA PAN'S PEOPLE. IT LOOKS QUITE UNNERVING. CAPTION: 'CHURCHILL'S PEOPLE'.
V/O Well you can see more of Churchill's People on Top Of The Rutland Pops on Thursday. Just some of the things you can look forward to on Rutland Weekend.
SHOW 2
Robert Ross assures us in his book that the Come Dancing parody originally linked into a ‘Cha Cha Cha’ version of
the ‘L’Amour Perdu’ signature tune.
But it doesn't. That's what you get for pissing your research
funding up against a wall, Ross. Snipped from the UK Arena
broadcast however was 'Say Sorry Again’ , sung by Neil Innes against a cheap
cartoon jungle background as all three Marx Brothers. The latter
is interesting because he later reperformed it in his own
spin-off show The Innes Book Of Records, using much the same set-up, albeit with much
higher production values (fake monochrome film
and a proper jungle set).
Another mindless cut was 'Communist Cooking' (originally introduced by Idle at the close of 'Impersonating Medical Equipment'):
IDLE: Well now it's 'Cookery Time', introduced as usual by Lenin
CAPTION: 'COOKERY TIME'. JOLLY SIG TUNE PLAYS UNDER
LENIN (BATTLEY) Hello comrades. Last week I showed you how to make the party go with a swing by making pretty little angel cakes. Comrade Trotsky has a different recipe for this but we are going to deal with him. But this week I want to show you an old Marxist recipe - Marx Pudding.
MARX (WOOLF) Hello comrades. Here is a recipe I found in the British Museum. (CAPTION: 'MARX PUDDING') First, make some batter, then put the eggs in the batter, then put the batter in the oven. Then wait for the collapse of the entire bourgeoise capitalist system. Set the table, politicise the proletariat, replace the decadent bourgeoise, activate the workers. Remove from the oven, serve from four to six people. (TASTES A BIT) Aah, delicious, if a bit decadent.
LENIN What a wonderful recipe. Thank you Karl. Incidentally it's still not too late to write in and tell us what your neighbours are doing, but now here's Joe with a new way to cook eggs.
STALIN (IDLE) Capture a dozen eggs. (CAPTION: OMELETTE STALIN) When you have captured them, take them outside and shoot them. Then round up the rest of the ingrediants and take them outside and shoot them. When you've made the omelette, don't trust it. Shoot it! (HE SHOOTS OMELETTE) Then shoot all the rest of the ingrediants! (SHOOTS) Then shoot all the people who've come to eat the omelette! (SHOOTS) Then shoot the little kettle... (SHOOTS) ...and shoot the teapot... (SHOOTS) ...and shoot the larder... (SHOOTS) ...and shoot everything! (SHOOTS) Shoot! Shoot! (SHOOTS) Then eat the omelette.
LENIN You can't make an omelette without breaking the kitchen.
(LENIN, MARX AND STALIN SUDDENLY GO INTO A SONG AND DANCE ROUTINE)
Whenever the bourgeoise gets you down and
revisionism's looking blue
Get into the kitchen, get out your
pans and cook a little dish or two
Whenever the decline of the
capitalist system seems to be coming true
Get into the kitchen,
get out your pans and cook a little dish or two
Here's our recipe if you want to be
free
The future lies in your hands
Don't go on bitchin', get
into the kitchen
And rattle, rattle, rattle those pots and
pans
Whenever you've shot all the people to shoot
and you've shot the firing squad too
Get into the kitchen, get
out your pans and shoot a little dish or two (Shoot one for me
too)
Shoot a little dish or too (Make mine a bourgeois)
Shoot
a little dish or two, two, toodle-ooh
V/O (IDLE) Joseph Stalin is currently appearing with Cilla Black at 'The Talk Of The Town', Newquay. Karl Marx is a National Theatre Player.
This cuts to Henry Woolf's linkman, still halfway through his sex-change who introduces the 'Kung Suey' sketch (by announcing the 'International Rabbit Show'). This was originally followed by another link and another 'Kung Fu' joke:
WOOLF Well, she certainly was a stunner. And now, in a similar vein, it's time for Underwater Golf.
A 'KING AND I' SET UP. THE WOMAN SINGS 'GETTING TO KNOW YOU WELL'. THE YUL BRYNNER CHARACTER BEATS HER UP WITH MARTIAL ARTS MOVES.
CAPTION: 'THE KUNG & I'
SHOW 3
‘Football Song’ was cut (originally the close
of the 'Schitsophrenia'
sketch and the sketch
about religion in the army):
FOUR FOOTBALL HOOLIGANS (IDLE, INNES, BATTLEY AND WOOLF) SING THE FOLLOWING PERTINENT DITTY.
I throw housebricks for the Arsenal
I
chuck lead-pipe for West Ham
I kick and maim for Chelsea
I
kill for Tottenham
I drop bottles for United on the crowd from up
above
Yes football is the game that we all love
I razor-slash for Sheffield
I cut 'em up
for QPR
I stick nails in 'em for Norwich
For Leeds, I slash
and scar
For Celtic I throw petrol bombs whenever our team
score
Yes football is the game that we adore
We all love football, kill, rape, boot,
argh
We all love football, shoot, stab, slash, argh
Football
is the game that we adore
I hack limbs off for Newcastle
I rape for
Luton Town
For the Rangers I kill strangers
And kick police
horses down
I set fire to referees who let opponents score
Yes
football is the game that we adore
We all love football, bomb, hurt, kill,
argh
We all love football, slash, kick, maim, argh
Football is
the game that we adore
The End
Another interesting edit comes at the end of the episode when Tony Bilbow interviews 'Mary Whitehouse' about her appearence in the show. The pull-back-and-reveal joke of the pair of them being in a bath, fades out almost immediately on the UK Arena version, but the original has several more lines: 'What made you decide to appear in such a silly show? (snip) I mean, did it have anything to do, perhaps with the kind of image you're now trying to create? Or would it be fair, perhaps, on the other hand, to ask what you've done with the soap?' (fade out)
SHOW 4
Robert Ross lists the ‘Amnesia’ sketch as
part of ‘Rutland WeekendTheatre’. In fact this is a totally
different sketch. UK Arena also cut the announcer's first
address to the audience (coming as it did after the long
'Old Gay Whistle Test'
sketch.
ANNOUNCER (BRIDGET ARMSTRONG) Hello again. Well we've got an absolutely wonderful evening for you here on Rutland Weekend and I hope you enjoy it as often as I do, but right now it's time to enjoy Rutland Weekend Theatre.
CAPTION: RUTLAND WEEKEND THEATRE
AN UPPER-CLASS COUPLE ARE CANOODLING ON A BALCONY IN SOME EXOTIC-LOOKING LOCATION
WOMAN (ARMSTRONG) Darling
MAN (BATTLEY) Yes darling
WOMAN It's so vibrant, alive and throbbing.
MAN Oh, I'm sorry darling.
WOMAN No, no, the evening - alive, fierce, vibrant, exciting. Oh, Asia! Asia!
MAN Esher, darling.
WOMAN Aren't we near Hong Kong, darling?
MAN Nearer Righgate, darling.
WOMAN Oh. (SITS DOWN) Darling, there's... something I've been meaning to tell you.
MAN Yes darling?
WOMAN I'm in love with Archie Galbraith!
MAN Not Archie Galbraith!
WOMAN No, not Archie Galbraith... Um... name... Paul Hamilton.
MAN But that's me, darling.
WOMAN Oh, is it? Oh then it is you, darling.
MAN Oh, you're so wonderfully vague, Patricia.
WOMAN Yes I am, very vague. But my name isn't Patricia though is it?
MAN Er, no it isn't.
WOMAN What is it?
MAN Dashed if I know, dear.
WOMAN Call the native boy and ask him.
MAN Don't think we have a native boy in Esher, dear.
WOMAN Oh, haven't we?
MAN I've...forgotten.
WOMAN Call and see anyway.
MAN Ah yes. (CLAPS HANDS) Hello, I say, erm is there anyone in there who lives with us?
A SECOND MAN ENTERS
MAN 2 (WOOLF) Hello.
MAN Oh, hello. Look, ah, my name's Paul but I'm afraid we've forgotten my wife's name. Who are you?
MAN 2 I'm your son.
MAN Oh hello, Good Lord, what's your name?
MAN 2 Daddy I've been living with you and Mummy for eighteen years!
WOMAN Yes, we want your name !
MAN 2 It's... (STAMMERS) I'm afraid I've forgotten.
MAN Listen, um, your mother can't remember who she's having an affair with.
MAN 2 Oh I know!
MAN Yes?
MAN 2 It's um, er... (STAMMERS AGAIN) I'm afraid I've forgotten his name.
A THIRD MAN ENTERS
MAN 3 (IDLE) Someone to see you Sir.
MAN Oh, jolly good, show him in. I'd quite forgotten we had a butler.
MAN 3 You don't, Sir. I'm someone to see you, Sir.
MAN Ah... Hello.
MAN 3 I want to marry Virginia.
MAN Who's Virginia?
MAN 3 You don't know who Virginia is?
MAN No.
MAN 3 Damn! I was rather hoping you'd tell me.
MAN 2 It's not me, is it?
MAN 3 (PAUSE) No, I don't think so.
A FOURTH MAN ENTERS
MAN 4 (INNES) Harry..?
THE GATHERING LOOK AT HIM, CONFUSED. HE RETURNS A CONFUSED LOOK. CONFUSION ALL ROUND.
The sketch links neatly to 'Amnesia' which is retained in the UK Arena version.
SHOW 5
A sketch called ‘Your Questions Answered’ was cut, which lay between ‘I’m
The Urban Spaceman’ and a further
update on the rain in Hendon.
SHOW 6
Neil
Innes'
‘Singing A Song Is Easy’ was cut between the hi-jacked ‘Are People Difficult
Bastards?’ sketch and the
piece about the friendly carrot. Also cut is most of Innes' fussy continuity announcer which precedes the
song:
INNES Well it appears that Religion Today has been hijacked. I knew it was going to be one of those days. I'm not one to bitch but you can't expect anything from security.
CUT TO TWO SECURITY MEN, FAST ASLEEP IN A BED
INNES Well, it appears, under the circumstances, that the best thing we can do is play you some music. (ASIDE) Look, can't we do anything about this suit?
CUT TO INNES, SITTING AT A LENNON-ESQUE WHITE GRAND PIANO, FLOATING THROUGH OUTER SPACE
Singing a song is easy, watching the world
go by
If you were a song I'd sing you
But you're more than
meets my eye
So let's sing a song together, just like holding
hands,
Simple words and music we can all understand
You can only love somebody as much as you
love yourself
So I'd like to wish you everything that I would
wish myself
Someone to care for you, someone to fall in
love
Someone to raise your voice to, maybe someone up
above
Someone to share your laughter, someone to ease your
pain
And if the song's worth singing, we'll sing it again and
again
CUT BACK TO THE STUDIO. INNES' ANNOUNCER IS NOW MINUS HIS SUIT JACKET. THE TABLE IS ALSO MISSING.
INNES Well, that was much better. Though then again they could have spent a bit more on it. I mean he didn't even have a suit. Still, let's see if we can go back to 'Religion Today'.
CUT BACK TO HI-JACKED SHOW. IDLE AND THE ARCHBISHOP ARE STILL ISSUING DEMANDS
IDLE ...and a pair of ex-U-boat Commander's binoculars, er, a year's subscription to the Exchange & Mart, and one of those nice fluffy toilet seat covers - any colour...
CUT BACK TO INNES' ANNOUNCER
INNES Obviously not. What about security?
CUT BACK TO SECURITY MEN, SNORING AWAY IN BED.
INNES No, not a chance. Well, just a reminder that on Rutland Weekend Cinema, Arthur Thrush will be talking about Sam Peckinpah's latest film 'Bring Me The Head Of Light Entertainment'. But meanwhile it's time for our feature film, 'Incident At Bromsgrove'. Incidentally, for those of you with black and white sets, colour's much better.
Bastards - look at that, a full three minutes of Neil Innes lopped off and discarded.
Also snipped from the show was a brief link at the end of the Shakespearean drama sketch just after Battley's director says 'Right, we're going again, and cue'. The UK Arena edit cues straight to Innes' dragged-up vocal version of the RWT sig tune ('L'Amour Perdu'). The original has an interim filmed sequence featuring about a dozen technicians on film (not to mention a few characters who have appeared throughout the series, and Idle standing at a urinal) cueing each other in turn.
There are probably a few other bits we've forgotten about but that bloke on the forum who keeps asking when the next update is will have apoplexy if we stall for much longer.
[ NOTE (1): The RWT logo and sting tends to appear at edit points, suggesting that it has been dropped in to make the cuts look less obvious.]
[ NOTE (2): Strangely, most of the items cut from these broadcasts were originally released on the spin-off LP The Rutland Weekend Songbook, including 'Startime Song', 'Communist Cooking' and 'Football Song' .]
[A CURIOUS ANOMALY: There is an alternate version of Show 1 which features a completely different linksman character. Whereas the UK Arena edit features a fey, avuncular anchor who speaks in gushing non-sequitors ('A very warm welcome from the heart of my bottom') and whose bow-tie grows larger each time we see him, the alternate version sent to us from the US features Idle himself as a painfully gushing host of RWT's 'Opening Night'.
The first extract comes immediately after the titles but before the first sketch. UK Arena's edit featured no linking scene at all.
IDLE, SITTING IN A CHEAP ANNOUNCER SET, WEARING A LOUD CHECKED SUIT AND A BLONDE WIG A LA DIDDY DAVID HAMILTON. SOUNDS OF PARTYING ARE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND. HE GUSHES IN A GURGLY, EXCITED MANNER
IDLE Good evening, and a very very special welcome to the very very first evening's viewing on Rutland Weekend Television. Tonight is a very very special occasion, as you can imagine. There's a very very special party going on, as you can imagine, live in the centre of Rutland tonight, as you can imagine. All the stars, as you can imagine, are there, waiting to talk to Pete Murray, as you can imagine. But before we go over there I'm gonna have a little something here with you to celebrate, as you can imagine.
(OPENS BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE, AND ATTEMPTS TO POUR SOME INTO A GLASS. THE BOTTLE IS TOTALLY EMPTY. IDLE KEEPS SMILING, TOSSES THE BOTTLE TOP ASIDE AND GIGGLES, OBVIOUSLY A BIT CRESTFALLEN)
IDLE Great. Well we'll be going over to the party at the moment, as you can imagine, but right now we're all set to enjoy the very first programme on Rutland Weekend Television. (LOOKS TOWARDS MONITOR)
This links into the 'Gibberish' sketch ('Ham sandwich, water and bucket plastic duralex, rubber Mcfisheries underware...). We then return to the linksman. He does a confused double-take at the monitor.
IDLE
Er...well that was...as you can imagine. Just a reminder that we'll be going over later to this terrific party that they're having to celebrate the opening of Rutland Weekend Television but er... (THE CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE ON THE TABLE POPS OPEN AND A VOLCANIC QUANITY OF FLUID SPURTS OUT ALL OVER HIM. IDLE CONTINUES GUSHING AND SMILING) ...right now we're gonna have some lovely music and er, ha ha, great. As you can imagine.Which links into Innes' 'Man In The Naughty Movies' song. When we return to the studio, Idle is mopping himself down with a towel.
IDLE (CHUCKLING) Well that was just great, as you can imagine. Well, this whole evening is such fun and everyone's tremendously excited, as you can imagine, and now it's time to go over live to the party.
CAPTION: 'NORMAL SERVICE WILL BE RESUMED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE' WHICH IMMEDIATELY CATCHES FIRE. CUT BACK TO IDLE, STILL GUSHING.
IDLE Well, great, just a few slight teething problems, as you can imagine, so let's go over now instead to, er... (FLOUNDERS) um, something else...great.
The 'something else' is the sketch about a prisoner on death row playing his last game of chess and is indeed great. As mentioned in the UK Arena breakdown earlier, the 'Startime Song' was cut. Innes's overblown showman, Stoop Solo, finishes his obsequious crooning, comes out of character and, looking off camera, mouths 'Was that alright?' Cut back to Idle:
IDLE (ACKNOWLEDGING STOOP SOLO) Just terrific. Well, as you can imagine, we've just heard from the party that Princess Grace of Monaco is definitely... not there which is just great. Well, let's now... (THE LIGHTS FAIL PLUNGING IDLE INTO DARKNESS) ...oh, oh dear (THE SOUNDS OF PARTYING TURN TO BOOS AND JEERS. IDLE HOLDS UP A LIGHTER) Oh, well we seem to have a slight...as you can imagine, so let's instead join tonight's documentary film. Great.
The documentary (about a Rutland Regiment still fighting the Second World War) links into the 'Churchill's Cat' piece mentioned earlier. Finally we return to Idle, still in darkness, no sounds of partying, booing or otherwise and a small lantern on the table:
IDLE Well I'm afraid that, as you can imagine, that's about it for this week. We shall maybe go over live to the party next week if there's still anybody there, as you can imagine. (WE HEAR AN OMINOUS CREAKING SOUND) Until then, a big kiss from me and see you next week, as you can imagine... (THE CEILING STARTS TO COLLAPSE, COVERING IDLE WITH DEBRIS. HE SMILES THROUGHOUT) ...just great... ha ha... terrific... ha ha...
We have no idea why there are two seperate versions of this show. Neither do we know which version was transmitted originally. We have theories about one of them being the pilot, or a special alternate version prepared for US television. Either way it remains very odd that UK Arena chose the expanding bow-tie linksman over Idle's much funnier 'Opening Night' character. If anybody can recall the original transmission or otherwise has any info on this anomoly, please get in touch.
3. UK Arena also re-broadcast a compilation episode, featuring highlights from both series and from the Christmas special. This was presumably a period-compilation, judging by the crude edits and the fact that The Rutles weren’t in it. This compilation (27 minutes) had also been broadcast on BBC2 in 1993 as part of a New Year’s Eve selection of programmes selected and hosted by Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer (At Home With Vic & Bob ).
The compilation featured: Titles (from the Christmas special); Announcer auditions (from Series 2, Show 1); the ‘Friendly Carrot’ and ‘Nelson’ material (from the final show in Series 1, a fade-out inserted to remove a cut-back to the hi-jacker); the sketch about the rude boss visiting his employee’s house and demanding sherry (Series 1, Show 3), ‘I’m The Urban Spaceman’ (Series 1, Show 5 - complete with unremovable, meaningless-but-still-amusing caption about rain in Hendon); the ‘Dead singer’ section of the Old Grey Whistle Test parody (Series 1, Show 4); the ‘Suburban Prisons’ sketch’ (Series 1, Show 6); the ‘Rutland Five-O’ parody (Series 2, Show 2), and George Harrison singing the ‘Pirate Song’ (from the Christmas special).
[NOTE:
That series what Paul Merton did a few years ago but we can't remember the title of featured quite a few clips RWT (inc ‘The Fabulous Bingo Brothers’ ) which shows that TV comedy compilations don't always have to just feature Basil Fawlty spanking his car or Del Boy falling over in a wine bar. Also interesting to note is the BBC’s 'Rock N'Roll Years - 1975' show which included a clip from RWT ( the ‘Campaign To Save Fish From Drowning' , sketch, Series 1, Show 1) yet no mention of Monty Python's Flying Circus featured throughout the series.]4. We've recently heard that Rutland Weekend Songbook has been released on CD in Japan.
5. This isn't edit-spotting but we just have to transcribe this sequence, from Show 4, Series 2. It seems somewhat relevant:
IDLE Sir Keith Joseph - does he exist or not? To discuss the problem we have with us in the studio four economists, two politicians, my brother-in-law, my auntie, a small packet of Fairy Snow, a little wheelbarrow, a large rock cod, a piece of... (BATTLEY ENTERS) Yes?
BATTLEY Bad news I'm afraid.
IDLE My wife... She's...still with me?
BATTLEY No, she's still with me.
IDLE Oh I am sorry.
BATTLEY Don't worry - it's worse than that. You're getting a bad notice.
IDLE What?
BATTLEY Wally Bird, the television critic's given you a bad notice.
IDLE What's he say?
BATTLEY Well he says he's still watching the programme but it's bad.
IDLE Not 'If this is comedy I'm a dutchman's uncle'?
BATTLEY No, it's worse than that.
IDLE What, you don't mean 'Dire stuff indeed'?
BATTLEY 'Fraid so.
IDLE (TO CAMERA) Well that's typical isn't it. You flog your guts out for a quarter of the money you can get on ITV and some spotty little cretin who gets paid for watching television makes smartarsed remarks in his cheapskate egocentric little column. They come creeping up to you at parties and receptions looking for free funny lines they can stick in their nasty newspapers and trying to get your autograph for their pallid little offspring, and next thing you know they're staying up all night trying to squeeze witticisms like blackheads out of their second-rate minds at your expense. And those female bitch writers with brains in their bums, blinking at the box, night after night. They're worse than the Wally Birds of this world - at least he doesn't pretend to be intelligent, WHICH IS JUST AS WELL! As he's stupid! Downright stupid! All critics are stupid! It's a stupid bloody job! And I hate their stupid mean stupid petty stupid cheapskate stupid hack journalistic minds!! (HENRY WOOLF ENTERS)
WOOLF Well done!
IDLE What?
WOOLF Wally Bird has just said you were magnificent.
IDLE Whaaat?
WOOLF Yes, he's given you a rave.
IDLE Really?
WOOLF Yes, he said the tirade against the critics in particular was a masterly use of satirical invective.
IDLE He said that?
WOOLF Yes.
IDLE Well, y...you know, he's not stupid all the time. You know, obviously, if he's picking up things like this, he's pretty perceptive.
WOOLF Yes.
IDLE Y'know, not...not all critics are rubbish by any means. (NEIL INNES ENTERS)
INNES Letitia Hunt's just given you a great notice!
IDLE Really?
INNES Yes.
IDLE Well, I've always thought she was pretty good actually, I always read her anyway. (TO CAMERA AGAIN) Look, perhaps I ought to say a word of apology, maybe I...I did rather over-react there, y'know, to criticism, obviously there are good and bad critics, well they're not necessarily bad critics, y'know - most critics have to be pretty competent, indeed very intelligent, y'know, so please don't take amiss what I said just then and if you are thinking of doing a write-up, thank you very much for watching the programme and we should be most interested to know what you've got to say about it...
BATTLEY Ohhh, shut up, you creep!
Eric Idle, if you're reading this, please make arrangements to get RWT released on DVD immediately or else we'll write all over your expensive trainers in biro.
[Special thanks to David Balston for the UK Arena edits and to Garett Gilchrist over in Conneticut, Stateside, the good old US of goddamn A, for alternate edits, elusive shows and a very long Star Wars parody with obscure George Lucas references.]
