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Asian sketch show - began on Radio 4 (1996-98) and transferred to television (1998-present). Far superior to most other contemporary sketch shows, mainly because - in a world full of laziness, field-removed video and Simon Pegg - the team aren’t squeamish about doing a DA-DA-DA COMEDY show, with all the loud, garish, stupid excess (and deliberately predictable punchlines) which that involves. Unlike Curtis Walker and his Blouse & Skirt, the Goodness Gracious Me team don’t believe comedy fans owe them a living by dint of coming from an under-represented ethnic group; in every sketch, quality comes first. It doesn’t matter that a non-Asian viewer may not necessarily identify with all the observational references (suitcases on top of the wardrobe, etc), since the idea of people pointing these things out is funny in itself.

Most characters stopped being remotely ‘satirical’ by their second or third appearance, and became amusing for their own sake. The muttering handshake between St John Robinson and Dennis Cooper is a favourite with the Corpses team, and Nina Wadia is that rare thing - a ‘proper’ actress who understands how to perform sketch comedy. Kulvinder Ghir, meanwhile, is so amusing he should be illegal.

They did another radio series after the transition to TV too. Extra marks for that.

1. The last episode of the third radio series (7/7/98) featured a sketch in which Nina Wadia was being seduced by a smooth-talking Sanjeev Bhasker. Her character seemed quite keen on the man’s whispered suggestions of various sexual acts, until she suddenly stopped and delivered the punchline, ‘I’m sorry - I’m a wegetarian’ [sic]. This resulted in such a huge explosion of laughter and applause that producer Anil Gupta had to truncate it heavily for the edit. The fact that the audience took a few seconds to understand the line meant that their response sounded very odd.

[Note: During the same recording (5/6/98), the ‘Waltons’ sketch was completely re-taken, as was the entire ‘Punjabi Girl’ song. Kulvinder Ghir, as the Swami character, also recorded some finger-cymbal wild tracks!]

2. The BBC Radio Collection double cassette features three full episodes from the second series (Shows 2, 3 and 4 on Sides 2, 3 and 4 respectively), plus a hitherto-transmitted (!8/12/96) ‘Best Of Series 1’ compilation on Side 1. However, this opening compilation omits one of its strongest items: the sketch about the parents who excessively pile guilt-trips on their young son, forcing him to jump out in front of a bus (resulting in Wadia’s fantastic line ‘Soon we’ll be dead - then you can lie under your bus with your pubs and clubs...’). Why was this cut? Probably for no better reason than the compilation clocked in at 30 minutes, in contrast to the original second-series shows which run at 25 minutes each: producer Anil Gupta (arguably the least Asian man in the world) probably lost one sketch in order to avoid the sheer ignoble horror of having five minutes of dead time on Side 2.

3. The television version of ‘Punjabi Girl’ had different chords to the radio version, which had utilised exactly the same melody as the ‘Barbie Girl’ song it parodied.

4. The ‘Sutti & Sweep’ sketch featured a pixelated distortion over Sweep’s features, with the caption ‘Identities have been disguised to protect the innocent’. Although this was clearly a joke, it is possible that it was written in to disguise a problem with the Harry Corbett estate over copyright of the puppet. Or perhaps the puppet had just been really badly made...

5. The 1998 best-of-series-one video features about two minutes of out-takes. These include corpses and fluffs from the ‘Not Of The Gay’ sketch (mysteriously absent from the video itself, probably because it would have meant too many ‘parent’ sketches), Nina Wadia as a Bhangra babe having trouble locating her mobile phone, and Kulvinder Ghir being tongue-tied during the ‘Tampon Campaign’ sketch. Ghir seemed more prone to errors than the others - after one radio recording, Wadia waspishly told the audience ‘We have to wait now while Kulvinder does all the re-takes...’

6. The first item on the video is the ‘Jonathan’ sketch, which had also opened the first ever episode. However, a close analysis of the opening titles reveals something very odd: a subliminal snatch of music is just about audible before the titles appear. A look at the original episode reveals that this was the ambient music which accompanied the BBC2 logo. Two explanations are possible here, both equally unlikely: either the video was compiled from off-air recordings, or the BBC2 logo/ambient music actually formed part of the actual master, with only the continuity announcement being broadcast live.

[Note (1): The latter theory is given some credibility: publicity tapes of certain untransmittable Radio 2 pilots (Gaster and Powell’s Eat This!, for example) include a jingle and a continuity announcement as part of the programme itself.]

[Note (2): The video ends with the ‘Rasmalaiiiii’ boys’ song ‘Kiss My Chuddies’, which had originally closed the first episode. However, the footage was clearly taken from a ‘clean’ copy, since the original credits have been replaced by all-encompassing video credits. Normally, in the absence of rushes, a thick Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em-esque banner would need to be pasted over the old credits, but - thanks to produer Anil Gupta thinking ahead - such a measure was not necessary.]

7. Further out-takes were included in the spoof documentary Unpugged (sic), part of the Goodness Gravious Me theme night on 24/7/99. This suggests that considerable rushes material has been kept, and that Anil Gupta makes a point of retaining such footage.

8. The repeats of the second series TV were in a shuffled order, the reason for which is unclear. The run began with Show 2 (as part of the Goodness Gracious Me theme night), perhaps because it was a slightly stronger show and was therefore deemed more suitable as an ‘introductory’ episode for new converts. After Show 1 the following week, however, we then jumped immediately to Show 6, followed by Shows 4 and 5. Show 3 appeared last. This destroyed much of the strict continuity and careful running jokes: we saw, for example, the two ‘It Girl’ characters revealed as air hostesses (a punchline, by any other name) despite the fact that we had not yet been introduced to them. Meanwhile, the running story concerning Smita Smitten losing her job and moving back in with her mother was told in a somewhat William Burroughs-esque style.

[Note (1): The Indian train crash on 4/8/99 may have clashed insensitively with Mr Everything-Comes-From-India’s claims in Show 3 about the Indian Superman (‘Where else can you run faster than the speeding trains?’), but such a line probably wouldn’t have justified such a huge disruption to the series.]

[NoTe (2): Bits of the ‘Superman’ sketch were used in the Comedy Zone trailer during the week when Show 3 would have been shown.]

[Note (3): The Radio Times erroneously billed this repeat run as a series of ‘highlights’, suggesting that the BBC were making things up as they went along anyway.]

The somewhat laurel-resting third series (27/2/00 - 31/3/00) was given a same-week repeat broadcast, the initial Friday 9pm ‘Comedy Zone’ transmissions being shown again in a late-night slot on Sunday evenings. The repeat broadcast was on BBC1, suggesting that the team had crashed through some kind of commercial chicane.

Unfortunately, being ‘BBC1-friendly’ is all too often a false honour bestowed on those whose programme have become very bland indeed, and it was clear from the outset that Goodness Gracious Me - having made no obvious concessions to the channel - was going to make some viewers uncomfortable. First to go was a sketch from the opening programme in which The Coopers and The Robinsons (two Asian couples who try to out-do each other by pretending they are not Asian) visited a church. The initial, establishing sketch was fairly inoffensive (‘Take a pew,’ the vicar says; ‘Pewing, pewing...’ replies Dennis Cooper), and was left intact. However, a reprise of the sketch, which showed the characters taking communion, was cut for the Sunday repeat:


VICAR (TONY LAMB) And the Lord said ‘Take this wine and drink it, for it is the blood of Christ’. (Offers goblet of wine to St John Robinson)

St JOHN ROBINSON (SANJEEV BHASKER) (Wagging finger jovially) No no no...I’m driving!

VICAR (To Vanessa Robinson) Blood of Christ.

VANESSA ROBINSON (MEERA SYAL) (Taking goblet) Oh yes, thanks! (Takes a large gulp and swishes it around like a wine-taster) Mm, marvellous. Give us two bottles.

VICAR We don’t give out bottles.

VANESSA ROBINSON Well give us this one then. (Downs entire contents of goblet; suddenly looks tipsy and grabs at the vicar’s cassock) Ding dong!

St JOHN ROBINSON No, dear, we don’t want to defrock the vicar do we? (Brandishes hip flask and uses it like a dog biscuit to lure Vanessa away. The vicar presents a communion wafer to Charlotte Cooper)

CHARLOTTE COOPER (NINA WADIA) (Worried) Erm...haven’t you got any volovents (sic)?

VICAR This isn’t an hors d’oeuvre, this is the body of Christ.

CHARLOTTE COOPER (Terrified) I think I’ll wait for the main course, then. Thanks. (She leaves)

VICAR (To Dennis Cooper) Body of Christ?

Dennis takes the wafer, but dips it in pickle and yoghurt before eating it.



A great shame, since this last joke about the pickle and yoghurt was among the funniest items in the series (mainly because we are left pondering on where he got said condiments from). Another very amusing sketch was cut from the second show, this time a quickie involving a journalist reporting from a debris-strewn location, surrounded by hundreds of miserable, frightened women and children. He is talking to a middle-aged man, who looks equally wretched:


REPORTER (TONY LAMB) And how long have the refugees been camped here?

MAN (KULVINDER GHIR) Refugees? (Confused) This is my family picnic.


This sketch was actually used (albeit spliced into two useless, beat-corrective parts) in a Comedy Zone trailer, suggesting the BBC had no initial worries about the joke. Humourless regional listings magazine Time Out, however, found the sketch ‘tasteless’, and this may have contributed to a received belief (among horn-rimmed Hampstead mediatwats who wouldn’t know comedy if it was diluted with Red Bull to make it taste of sweeties) that the item was unacceptable.

Rather unusually, the BBC actually admitted that the repeats had been cut. Rather less unusually, however, this admission was used as a defence against those who had complained about the initial broadcasts. The official reason was that ‘sensibilities are different on a Sunday evening’.

[NOTE: From Show 4, the repeat broadcasts were moved around in the schedules and were not transmitted on Sundays.]

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Anil Gupta (all shows)

Nick Wood (Series 1, shows 2-6; all of Series 2)
Nick Wood/Gareth Carrivick (Series 1, show 1)
Nick Wood/Christine Gernon (Series 3)

Full cast list
Sanjeev Bhasker (all shows)
Meera Syal (all shows)
Kulvinder Ghir (all shows)
Nina Wadia (all shows)

Anil Desai (all of Series 1)
Amanda Holden (Series 1, shows 1-5)
Sharat Sardana (Series 1, Shows 1-5; all of Series 2, Xmas show)
Dave Lamb (All of Series 1 except show 5; all of Series 2 & 3, Xmas show)
Nitin Sawnhey (Series 1, shows 1, 2, 3 & 5)
Fiona Allen (all of Series 2, Xmas show)
Neil Newbon (Series 1, show 1)
Loyd Grossman (Series 1, shows 2 & 3)
Jon Rake (Series 1, show 2)
Sunil Patel (Series 1, show 3)
Art Malik (Series 1, show 4)
Arabella Weir (Series 1, show 4)
Paul Mark Elliott (Series 1, show 5)
Parminder Jahval (Series 2, shows 1, 2 & 6)
Ricky Grover (Series 2, show 1)
Mariella Frostrup (Series 2, show 1)
Andrew Mackintosh (Series 2, show 1)
Konnie Huq (Series 2, show 6)
Emma Kennedy (all of Series 3 except show 3)
Henry Naylor (Series 3, show 1)
Parminder Nagra (Series 3, shows 2 & 5)

Writers list
Sharat Sardana (all shows)
Richard Pinto (all shows)
Sanjeev Bhasker (all shows)
Meera Syal (Series 1, shows 2 & 3; all of Series 2 & 3, Xmas show)
Sanjeev Kohli (Series 1, shows 1, 4 & 5; Series 2, shows 2- 4 & 6, Xmas show, all series 3)
Anil Gupta (Series 1, shows 1, 3 & 6; all of Series 2, Xmas show, all of series 3)
Nina Wadia (Series 1, shows 2 & 6; Series 3 show 2)
Ravi Mangat (series 3, show 6)
Sukbir Pannu (series 3, show 6)
Scott Todd (series 3, show 6)


6x30m (Mon 10pm)
Repeats: Show 2 repeated independently, then all 6 from spring 1999

Anil Gupta

Nick Wood (shows 2-6), Nick Wood/Gareth Carrivick (show 1)

Sanjeev Bhasker (all shows)
Meera Syal (all shows)
Kulvinder Ghir (all shows)
Nina Wadia (all shows)

Anil Desai (all shows)
Amanda Holden (all except show 6)
Sharat Sardana (all except show 6)
Nitin Sawnhey (shows 1, 2, 3 & 5)
Dave Lamb (all except show 5)
Neil Newbon (show 1)
Loyd Grossman (shows 2 & 3)
Jon Rake (show 2)
Sunil Patel (show 3)
Art Malik (show 4)
Arabella Weir (show 4)
Paul Mark Elliott (show 5)

Sharat Sardana (all shows)
Richard Pinto (all shows)
Sanjeev Bhasker (all shows)
Meera Syal (shows 2 & 3)
Sanjeev Kohli (show 1, 4 & 5)
Anil Gupta (show 1, 3 & 6)
Nina Wadia (shows 2 & 6)


12 January 1998

Indian business meeting (Pronouncing Jonathan)
Check Please - Skipping dessert/Already quite fat
Troubled son (Sikh)
Calcutta male voice choir
Rasmalai Boys - New image
Check Please - Doctor/Rash
Troubled son 2 (Hindu)
Smita Smitten - Video shop
Cinema ad/Going for an English
Check Please - Models
Swami - Lecture
Jodhpur station 1947 (Brief Encounter spoof)
Troubled son (Muslim)
Coopers & Robinsons - Dinner party
Check Please - Seafood
‘Kiss My Chuddies’ (Song)/Credits
Swami (‘Would you like to become a Hindu?’)


19 January 1998

Mrs Aubergine - Pizza restaurant
The Six Million Rupee Man
Gay son
Mrs Aubergine (Supermarket)
Pet cow
Mrs Aubergine (Heart by-pass)
Cheap Uncle - Travel agent
‘I Know Him Too Well’ (Song/Elaine Paige & Barbara Dickson parody)
Cheap Uncle - Cashpoint
Pet cow (Contd/Cow flap)
Cheap Uncle (Kidney)
Rasmalai boys - Opera
Cheap Uncle (Funeral)
Rough Guide To Britain
Mrs Aubergine (Masterchef)


Series 1, Show 3
26 January 1998
Coopers & Robinsons - Tennis
Smita Smitten - Cinema
Party piece (Shop prices)
Check Please - Rose
Bhuddist Pest Control
70s revival
Swami - Double glazing
The Accountant (Film Noir spoof)
Coopers & Robinsons - Conservative Party ()
Masterchef - Indian chef (Assistant)
Cancer cure (Buhddist Pest Control)
‘Things You Can Do When The Kids Are Away’ (Song)
Check Please - No effort
Rasmalai Boys - Train
Magazine meeting
Check Please - Oyster sick
Authentic Indian crafts
Godfather spoof (Bhuddist pest control)


Series 1, Show 4
2 February 1998

Marriage guidance
Flash Ash
English bride (Restaurant)
Smita Smitten - Toilet
Revolutionary (Not at work)
Competitive Mothers (Wedding)
English wife (Bus stop)
Flash Ash (Squeegy)
Newsnight interview
English wife (Dancing by trees)
Over-reacting Family (Car)
Competitive Mothers (Baby)
Travel agent (Film Noir spoof)
Smita Smitten - Chip shop
Rasmalai Boys - Classroom (Asian over-archievers)
Competitive mothers (Pimp)
‘Untouchable’ (Song)
Competitive Mothers (Athletics)


Series 1, Show 5
9 February 1998

Jewish son
Fat Boy (Party)
Bhangra Babes - Nightclub
Fat Boy (Sandpit)
Wife Shop (Monty Python Cheese Shop spoof)
Indian Wedding (Explanations)
India! - Veranda
Bhangra Babes (Gents)
Fatboy (Cola)
Doctor (Lack of Indian Culture)
India! - Bookshop
Bhangra Babes (Child on swing)
‘Immigration’ (Song)
Fat Boy (Trifle)
Guilt-inducing parents
Bhangra Babes (Stealing football)
Tampon ad (Meeting)
India! - Mechanic


Series 1, Show 6
16 February 1998

Arranged shag
Ghost/9½ Weeks spoof
Have You Met My Daughter? (Tony Blair)
India! - Film stars
Bharat Homes
Coopers & Robinsons - Barbecue
Mrs Aubergine (Scientists)
Cheap Uncle - Directions
Have You Met My Daughter? (Indian independence)
Skipinder The Punjabi Kangaroo
India! (Shakespeare)
Rasmalai Boys - Temple
Mrs Aubergine - Making love
India! (Supermarket checkout)
Swami - Questions
Have You Met My Daughter? (Aliens)
‘That’s Right We Chose Each Other’ (Song)
Swami - Bollocks


13 November - 18 December 1998
6x30m (Fri 10pm)

Repeats: in the order 2/1/6/4/5/3, with show 2 forming part of Goodness Gracious Me Night. Show 3 initially dropped for Indian train reference.

Anil Gupta

Nick Wood

Sanjeev Bhasker (all shows)
Meera Syal (all shows)
Kulvinder Ghir (all shows)
Nina Wadia (all shows)

Tony Lamb (all shows)
Fiona Allen (all shows)
Sharat Sardana (all shows)
Parminder Jahval (shows 1, 2 & 6)
Ricky Grover (show 1)
Mariella Frostrup (show 1)
Andrew Mackintosh (show 1)
Konnie Huq (show 6)

Sharat Sadarna (all shows)
Richard Pinto (all shows)
Sanjeev Bhasker (all shows)
Meera Syal (all shows)
Anil Gupta (all shows)
Sanjeev Kholi (shows 2, 3, 4 & 6)


Series 2, Show 1
13 November 1998

Rasmalai Boys - Asiaworld
Dancing Auntie 1
Check Please - Nice tits
Chunky Lafunga (Main sketch)
Check Please (Holding hands under the table)
Mrs Aubergine - Paris
Dancing Auntie 2 (Austen)
Coopers & Robinsons - Orgy
Documentary couple (‘Wonder what it is then?’)
Swami - Cast off your clothes
Chunky Lafunga (The Bill)
Dancing Auntie 3 (Lapdancer)
Competitive Mothers (Sperm count)
Check Please - Blonde moustache
Chunky Lafunga - Australian soap opera
Smita Smitten meets Chunky Lafunga
Check Please - Arse under the table
‘Punjabi Girl’ (Song/Barbie Girl parody)/Credits
Swami (Scrabble)


Series 2, Show 2
20 November 1998

Sarcastic Grandmother (Birthday)
Swami (Balls)
Indian Broadcasting Company
India! - Royal family
Sarcastic Grandmother (Wedding)
Check Please - Great sense of humour
Rasmalai Boys - Football
Sarcastic Grandmother (Bus stop)
Check Please (Mother’s underwear)
Documentary couple (Whose mother?)
Competitive Mothers - Dependent sons
‘Hindi People’ (Song/Pulp parody)
Sarcastic Grandmother - Heart attack
Check Please - Fart
Play School
Great Train Journeys Of The World
India! (BBC letters)


Series 2, Show 3
27 November 1998

Indian Bridegroom Detective (Enterage)
Bhangra Babes - Dates
Indian Bridegroom Detective (Pool room/Reservoir Dogs)
Raj interview - Whipped
Swami - Krsna
Expose (Teenage daughter)
Mr Everything Comes From India - Superman
Raj interview - train gunfire
Indian Bridegroom Detective - Newspaprs
Smita Smitten - Sacked
Rasmalai Boys - Gene pool
Raj Interview - Executing auntie
The Food Programme (Fruit salad with Tip Top)
The Waltons
Raj Interview - Tea on veranda
The Book Programme
Indian Bridegroom Detective - Phone box
‘The Blacked Up Men’ (Song)
Swami - Trivial Pursuit


Series 2, Show 4
4 December 1998

Samosa-plying mum
Cheap Uncle - Drugs
Swami - Goalkeeper
Maharaja’s animals
Nasty Rich Girls - Shoe shop 1
Over Reacting Family - Picnic/Plague of bee
Samosa-plying mum - Intravenous drip
A Level results
Smita Smitten - Mother’s kitchen
Cheap Uncle - Condoms
Sutti & Sweep
Nasty Rich Girls - Shoe Shop 2
Coopers & Robinsons - Golf
Maharajah’s animals 2
Nasty Rich Girls - Shoeshop 3
Rasmalai Boys - Prince Naseem
Nasty Rich Girls - Shoeshop 4
Maharajah’s animals 3 (Meercats)
Enjoy Yourself
Samosa-plying mum (Reservoir Dogs)
Coopers & Robinsons - Aeroplane
‘50 Ways To Leave Your Mother’ (Song/Paul Simon parody)
India! - Masterrmind


Series 2, Show 5
11 December 1998

Parents who think Titanic is a comedy
Rav’s Animal Hospital 1
Nehru and Jinnah: The Cambridge Years 1
Babes - Winebar
Mastermind - Professor with long name
Nehru and Jinnah 2
High & Blighty
Cheap Uncle - Prostitute
Parents who think Only Fools And Horses is a drama
Swami - Book Launch
Rav’s Animal Hospital 2
India! - Pulp Fiction
Swami - Twister
Mother’s sex advice to bride
Nehru and Jinnah 3
Elderly women on park bench/‘Old Friends Like Bookends’
India! - Hamster heaven
Late Review (Parents who think King Lear is bloody funny)
Cheap Uncle - Zig a zig ah
The Return Of Skipinder The Punjabi Kangaroo
Nehru and Jinnah 4


Series 2, Show 6
18 December 1998

British Kabadi Champion
Embarrassing Auntie - Party
Mrs Aubergine - College
Fat Boy - 3 legged race
Nasty Rich Girls - Shoe Shop
Asian Gladiators
Fat Boy - Feeding ducks 1
Revolutionary - Public toilet
Nasty Rich Girls - Aeroplane 1
Embarrassing Auntie - Doctor’s surgery
Coopers & Robinsons - Country house
Swami - Tile game
Revolutionary - Girlfriend
Nasty Rich Girls - Aeroplane 2
Mrs Aubergine - Blue Peter
Youth Chat Innit (Embarrassing Auntie)
Fat Boy - Baby alarm/Pizza
Revolutionary - Policeman
Smita Smitten- Drunk in bedroom
Fat Boy - Feeding ducks 2
Rasmalai Boys - ‘Get Juggy With It’ (Song/Will Smith parody)
Coopers & Robinsons - Fox hunt

23 December 1998
45m (Wed 9:30pm)

Repeated: Christmas 1999

Sanjeev Bhasker
Meera Syal
Nina Wadia
Kulvinder Ghir
Sharat Sardana
Fiona Allen
Dave Lamb

Sanjeev Bhasker
Meera Syal
Sharat Sardana
Richard Pinto
Anil Gupta
Sanjeev Kholi


Christmas Special
23 December 1998

Rasmalai Boys - Nativity
Mechanics (Car radio)
Check Please - Telescope
Operation pickles
Clearance form/Son who doesn’t want to be a pop star
Bhangra Babes - Grotto
Rav’s Animal Hospital - Mechanics (Puppy)
Women’s Refuge
Check Please - Often skips a generation
Maharajah’s animals - Nut cutlets
Holiday - Camping
‘Let’s All Do The Twist’ (Song)
Competitive Mothers - Marrying a white girl
Revolutionary - Grotto
Asian University
Maharajah’s animals - Cat care
Competitive Mothers - Santa
India! - Explains Santa to daughter
Middle class Asian students
Mechanics - Earth thrown off orbit
Close Encounters parody
Check Please - Old people
India! - Daughter’s carols 1
Women’s refuge (New boss)
India! - Daughter’s carols 2
Hare Christians
Check Please - ‘I just had a dump innit’
Smita Smitten - Current affairs show
India! - Daughter’s carols 3
Sarcastic Grandmother - Santa
The Bhandari Bunch (Brady Bunch parody)
Swami - Cluedo
Asian Home Front
Operation - Herbal medicine
Nativity Song
India! - Daughter’s carols 4
Check Please - 12" spicy hot one
Coopers & Robinsons - Christmas presents
India! - Grotto


25 February - 31 March 2000
6x30m (Fri 9pm)

Repeats: Same-week repeats on late-night BBC1 (Sundays, then Mon/Tue)

Anil Gupta

Nick Wood/Christine Gernon

Sanjeev Bhasker (all shows)
Meera Syal (all shows)
Kulvinder Ghir (all shows)
Nina Wadia (all shows)
Dave Lamb (all shows)
Emma Kennedy (all except show 3)
Parminder Nagra (shows 2 & 5)
Henry Naylor (show 1)

Sanjeev Bhasker (all shows)
Meera Syal (all shows)
Sharat Sardana (all shows)
Richard Pinto (all shows)
Anil Gupta (all shows)
Sanjeev Kholi (all shows)
Nina Wadia (show 2)
Ravi Mangat (show 6)
Sukbir Pannu (show 6)
Scott Todd (show 6)


Series 3, Show 1
25 February 2000

New Delhi Police Department
Check Please - ‘I’d have to be pissed out of my nut...’
Competitive Mothers - Oedipal
Documentary couple (‘I think it says No Parking...’)
Coopers & Robinsons - Church 1
Check Please - Bird of prey
Man dumping unfashionable Asian girlfriend
Smita Smitten - Smita Sniffs It Out
Coopers & Robinsons - Church 2 (Communion)
0898 number (Asian mother)
Coopers & Robinsons - Church 2 (Collection plate/Bishop)
Check Please - A right family of dogs
The Great Escape
Check Please - What’s the magic word
Rasmalai Boys - ‘Bollywood’ (Song)
Khaki bhangra (Gap jeans ad parody)


Series 3, Show 2
3 March 2000

Check Please - Promiscuous
Live & Cooking
This dhal is fantastic (Sex scene on TV)
Chunky Lafunga - Porn film (‘Maid In Patiala’)
This dhal is fantastic (Wildlife documentary)
Smita Smitten - Street Date
India! - Art gallery
This dhal is fantastic (Sexual position)
Not Saving Private Narayan
‘Hey Big Spinster’ (Song/Shirley Bassey parody)
Check Please - Tactile sort of person
Mrs Aubergine - Mother in law
Saris tucked in knickers
Asian Shopping Channel
This dhal is fantastic (Scrabble)
Check Please - Crooked tie
Coopers & Robinsons - Dog
This dhal is fantastic (Real sex)

NB: Refugees/Picnic sketch cut


Series 3, Show 3
10 March 2000

Airport baggage
Competitive Mothers - Party
Ratayjit Say interview 1
Airport baggage 2
Check Please - Sleeping with sister
Mrs Aubegine - Friends
Ratayjit Say interview 2
Nasty Rich Girls - Facelift
Coopers & Robinsons - Airport
revolutionary - chemist
Airport baggage 3
Documentary Couple (‘No sex for first six months of marriage...’)
Voluntary Service of India/Rough Guide students 1
Nasty Rich Girls - Enormous Trust Fund
Ratayjit Say interview 3
Voluntary Service of India/Rough Guide students 2
Check Please - Spit or swallow?
India - Christianity
‘Club Nirvana’ (Song/Wham! spoof)
Milk bottle


Series 3, Show 4
17 March 2000

Rasmalai Boys - Pub
Kissing grandmother’s feet
Nasty Rich Girls - Rings
This Morning With Rajinder and Guddi/Fashion designer
Cheap Uncle - Jewellery robbery
Bhangra Babes - Walking past workmen
Coopers & Robinsons - Mercedes Benz ad/Janis Joplin spoof
Dad who thinks you have to shout at people who come from another country
BhangraMan - Earthquake
Check Please - Only way I can get turned on
Bhangra Babes- ‘Say As If’ (B*Witched spoof)
Check Please - I’m not like other men
Smita Smitten - Childrens TV
Britain’s 3rd Most Vulgar Asian
Swami - English football team
Check Please - You remind me of a song


Series 3, Show 5
24 March 2000

Shoe discipline 1
Meat trade
Smita Smitten - Airport bodysearch
Rasmalai Boys - Money
Shoe discipline 2
Channa’s Angels (Charley’s Angels spoof)
Shoe discipline 3
Pukka Wedding Company
Check Please - Pre marital sex
Bhangraman - Earth thrown off orbit
Shoe discipline 4 (An American Werewolf In London)
Check Please - Perfect day
The High Street Boys - ‘Let’s Make Arrangements’ (Song/Boy band spoof)
Bhangra Babes - Walking past park bench
The Return Of The Return Of Skipinder The Punjabi Kangaroo
Documentary Couple - Human excrement
Check Please - Those three little words
Coopers & Robinsons - Sunday lunchtime pub
The Adventures of Lassi


31 March 2000

Rasmalai Boys - Internet cafe
Brown Peter (Desk tidy)
Check Please - Best friend Dave
Punjabis On Ice/Sports on lino
Competitive Mothers - Stranded by roadside 1
BhangraMan - Morris dancers
Revolutionary - Sikh fire brigade
Competitive Mothers - Stranded by roadside 2
Check Please - Mind reading
Competitive Mothers - Stranded by roadside 3
Avoiding a girl baby/In effectual sons
Abandoned car (‘You ordered a cab?’)
Swami - Ads
Words for poo
Asian Top Gear
Battling Masis
Coopers & Robinsons - ‘British Oh So British’ (Song/Eurovision ABBA spoof)
Check Please - Shit bet



Abandoned car (‘You ordered a cab?’) [3.6]
The Accountant (Film Noir spoof) [1.3]
The Adventures of Lassi [3.5]
Airport baggage (in 3 parts) [3.3]
A Level results [2.4]
Arranged shag [1.6]
Asian Gladiators [2.6]
Asian Home Front [Xmas show]
Asian Shopping Channel [3.2]
Asian Top Gear [3.6]
The Asian University [Xmas show]
Audition [1.2]
Authentic Indian crafts [1.3]
Avoiding a girl baby/Ineffectual sons [3.6]
Battling Masis [3.6]
The Bhandari Bunch (Brady Bunch parody) [Xmas show]
Bhangra Babes: Nightclub [1.5]
                         Gents [1.5]
                         Child on swing [1.5]
                         Stealing football [1.5]
                         Dates [2.3]
                         Winebar [2.5]
                         Grotto [Xmas show]
                         Walking past workmen [3.4]
                        ‘Say As If’ (B*Witched spoof) [3.4]
                         Walking past park bench [3.5]
BhangraMan: Earthquake [3.4]
                     Morris dancers [3.6]
                     Earth thrown off orbit [3.5]
Bharat Homes [1.6]
Bhuddist: Pest Control [1.3]
               Cancer cure [1.3]
               Godfather spoof [1.3]
‘The Blacked Up Men’ (Song) [2.3]
The Book Programme [2.3]
Britain’s 3rd Most Vulgar Asian [3.4]
British Kabadi Champion [2.6]
Brown Peter (Desk tidy) [3.6]
Calcutta male voice choir [1.1]
Channa’s Angels (Charley’s Angels spoof) [3.5]
Cheap Uncle: Travel agent [1.1]}
                      Cashpoint [1.2]
                      Kidney [1.2]
                      Funeral [1.2]
                      Directions [1.6]
                      Drugs [2.4]
                      Condoms [2.4]
                      Prostitute [2.5]
                      Zig a Zig Ah [2.5]
                      Jewellery robbery [3.4]
Check Please: Skipping dessert [1.1]
                       Rash [1.1]
                       Models [1.1]
                       Seafood [1.1]
                       Rose [1.3]
                       No effort [1.3]
                       Oyster sick [1.3]
                       Nice tits [2.1]
                       Holding hands [2.1]
                       Blonde moustache [2.1]
                       Arse under the table [2.1]
                       Great sense of humour [2.2]
                       Mother’s underwear [2.2]
                       Fart [2.2]
                       Telescope [Xmas show]
                       Often skips a generation [Xmas show]
                       Old people [Xmas show]
                       ‘I just had a dump innit’ [Xmas show]
                       12" spicy hot one [Xmas show]
                       ‘I’d have to be pissed out of my nut...’ [3.1]
                       Bird of prey [3.1]
                       A right family of dogs [3.1]
                       What’s the magic word? [3.1]
                       Promiscuous [3.2]
                       Tactile sort of person [3.2]
                       Crooked tie [3.2]
                       Sleeping with sister [3.3]
                       Spit or swallow? [3.3]
                       Only way I can get turned on [3.4]
                       I’m not like other men [3.4]
                       You remind me of a song [3.4]
                       Pre marital sex [3.5]
                       Perfect day [3.5]
                       Those three little words [3.5]
                       Best friend Dave [3.6]
                       Mind reading [3.6]
                       Shit bet [3.6]
Chunky Lafunga: Profile [2.1]
                          The Bill [2.1]
                          Australian soap opera [2.1]
                          Porn film (‘Maid In Patiala’) [3.2]
Cinema ad [1.1]
Clearance form/Son who doesn’t want to be a pop star [Xmas show]
Close Encounters parody [Xmas show]
‘Club Nirvana’ (Song/Wham! spoof) [3.3]
Competitive Mothers: Wedding [1.4]
                                  Baby [1.4]
                                  Pimp [1.4]
                                  Athletics [1.4]
                                  Sperm count [2.1]
                                  Dependent sons [2.2]
                                  Marrying a white girl [Xmas show]
                                  Santa [Xmas show]
                                  Oedipal [3.1]
                                  Party [3.3]
                                  Stranded by roadside (in 3 parts) [3.6]
Coopers & Robinsons: Dinner party [1.1]
                                    Tennis [1.3]
                                    Conservative Party [1.3]
                                    Barbecue [1.6]
                                    Orgy [2.1]
                                    Golf [2.4]
                                    Aeroplane [2.4]
                                    Country house [2.6]
                                    Fox hunt [2.6]
                                    Christmas presents [Xmas show]
                                    Church (in 3 parts) [3.1]
                                    Dog [3.2]
                                    Airport [3.3]
                                    Mercedes Benz ad/Janis Joplin spoof [3.4]
                                    Sunday lunchtime pub [3.5]
                                    ‘British Oh So British’ (Eurovision ABBA spoof) [3.6]
Dad who thinks you have to shout at people who come from another country [3.4]
Dancing Auntie: Wedding [2.1]
                         Jane Austen [2.1]
                         Lapdancer [2.1]
The Delhi Students: Rough Guide To Britain [1.2]
                              Great Train Journeys Of The World [2.2]
                              Voluntary Service of India (in 2 parts) [3.3]
Delhitubbies [3.1]
Documentary couple: ‘Wonder what it is then?’) [2.1]
                                 Whose mother? [2.2]
                                 No Parking [3.1]
                                 No sex for first six months of marriage [3.3]
                                 Human excrement [3.5]
Elderly women on park bench/‘Old Friends Like Bookends’ [2.5]
Embarrassing Auntie: Party [2.6]
                                 Doctor’s surgery [2.6]
                                 Youth Chat Innit [2.6]
Enjoy Yourself [2.4]
Expose (Teenage daughter) [2.3]
Fat Boy: Party [1.5]
              Sandpit [1.5]
              Cola [1.5]
              Trifle [1.5]
              Feeding ducks (in 2 parts) [2.6]
              Baby alarm/Pizza [2.6]
              3 legged race [2.6]
‘50 Ways To Leave Your Mother’ (Song/Paul Simon parody) [2.4]
Flash Ash: Hundred grand a year [1.4]
                 Squeegy [1.4]
The Food Programme (Fruit salad with Tip Top) [2.3]
Fundamentalists [3.4]
Gay son [1.2]
Ghost spoof [1.6]
Going for an English [1.1]
The Great Escape [3.1]
Guilt-inducing parents [1.5]
Hare Christians [Xmas show]
Have You Met My Daughter: Tony Blair [1.6]
                                              Indian independence [1.6]
                                              Aliens [1.6]
‘Hey Big Spinster’ (Song/Shirley Bassey parody) [3.2]
High & Blighty (Till Death Us Do Part spoof) [2.5]
The High Street Boys - ‘Let’s Make Arrangements’ (Song/Boy band spoof) [3.5]
‘Hindi People’(Song/Pulp parody) [2.2]
‘Holiday’ - Luxury camping [Xmas show]
‘I Know Him Too Well’ (Song/Elaine Paige & Barbara Dickson parody) [1.2]
‘Immigration’ (Song) [1.5]
Indian!: Veranda [1.5]
             Mechanic [1.5]
             Bookshop [1.5]
             Film stars [1.6]
             Shakespeare [1.6]
             Supermarket checkout [1.6]
             Royals [2.2]
             BBC letters [2.2]
             Superman [2.3]
             Mastermind [2.4]
             Pulp Fiction [2.5]
             Hamster heaven [2.5]
             Explains Santa to daughter [Xmas show]
             Daughter’s carols (in 4 parts) [Xmas show]
             Grotto [Xmas show]
             Art gallery [3.2]
             Christianity [3.3]
Indian Bridegroom Detective: Enterage [2.3]
                                             Pool room/Reservoir Dogs) [2.3]
                                             Newspapers [2.3]
                                             Phone box [2.3]
Indian Broadcasting Company [2.2]
Indian Wedding (Explanations) [1.5]
Jewish son [1.5]
Jodhpur station 1947 (Brief Encounter spoof) [1.1]
‘Kiss My Chuddies’ (Song)/Credits [1.1]
Indian business meeting (Pronouncing Jonathan) [1.1]
Khaki bhangra (Gap jeans ad parody) [3.1]
Kissing grandmother’s feet [3.4]
Lack of Indian Culture [1.5]
‘Let’s All Do The Twist’ (Song) [Xmas show]
Live & Cooking [3.2]
Magazine meeting [1.3]
Maharaja’s animals: Banquet (in 3 parts) [2.4]
                               Banquet continued (Nut cutlets) [Xmas show]
                               Cat care (Xmas show)
Man dumping unfashionable Asian girlfriend [3.1]
Marriage guidance [1.4]
Masterchef - Indian chef (Assistant) [1.3]
Mastermind - Professor with long name [2.5]
Meat trade [3.5]
Mechanics: Car radio [Xmas show]
                  Mending space shuttle [Xmas show]
                  Puppy (Rav’s Animal Hospital) [Xmas show]
Middle class Asian students [Xmas show]
Milk bottle [3.3]
Milk miracle [1.4]
Mother’s sex advice to bride [2.5]
Mrs Aubergine: Pizza restaurant [1.2]
                         Supermarket [1.2]
                         Heart bypass [1.2]
                         Masterchef [1.2]
                         Scientists [1.6]
                         Making love [1.6]
                         Paris [2.1]
                         College [2.6]
                         Blue Peter [2.6]
                         Mother in law [3.2]
                         Friends [3.3]
Nasty Rich Girls: Shoe shop 1 (in 3 parts) [2.4]
                          Shoe shop (Continued) [2.4]
                          Shoe Shop (Continued again) [2.6]
                          Aeroplane 1 (in 2 parts) [2.6]
                          Enormous Trust Fund [3.3]
                          Facelift [3.3]
                          Rings [3.4]
Nativity Song [Xmas show]
Nehru and Jinnah: The Cambridge Years (in 4 parts) [2.5]
New Delhi Police Department [3.1]
Newsnight interview [1.4]
9½ Weeks spoof [1.6]
Not Saving Private Narayan [3.2]
Operation - Herbal medicine [Xmas show]
Operation pickles [Xmas show]
Over-reacting Family: Car [1.4]
                                  Picnic/Plague of bee [2.4]
Parents who think: Titanic is a comedy [2.5]
                             Only Fools And Horses is a drama [2.5]
                             King Lear is bloody funny (Late Review parody) [2.5]
Party piece (Child reciting shop prices) [1.3]
Pet cow (in 2 parts) [1.2]
Play School [2.2]
Prostitute [1.5]
Pukka Wedding Company [3.5]
‘Punjabi Girl’ (Song/Barbie Girl parody)/Credits [2.1]
Punjabis On Ice/Sports on lino [3.6]
Raj interview: Whipped [2.3]
                      Train gunfire [2.3]
                      Executing auntie [2.3]
                      Tea on veranda [2.3]
Rasmalai Boys: New image [1.1]
                        Opera [1.2]
                        Train [1.3]
                        Classroom [1.4]
                        Temple [1.6]
                        Asiaworld [2.1]
                        Football [2.2]
                        Gene pool [2.3]
                        Prince Naseem [2.4]
                       ‘Get Juggy With It’ (Song/Will Smith parody) [2.6]
                       Nativity [Xmas show]
                       ‘Bollywood’ (Song) [3.1]
                       Pub [3.4]
                       Money [3.5]
                       Internet cafe [3.6]
Ratayjit Say interview (in 3 parts) [3.3]
Rav’s Animal Hospital: Main sketch (in 2 parts) [2.5]
                                    Mechanics (Puppy) [Xmas show]
Refugees/Family picnic [3.2]
Samosa-plying mum: Dinner party [2.4]
                                Intravennous drip [2.4]
                                Reservoir Dogs [2.4]
Sarcastic Grandmother: Birthday [2.2]
                                    Wedding [2.2]
                                    Bus stop [2.2]
                                    Heart attack [2.2]
                                    Santa [Xmas show]
Saris tucked in knickers [3.2]
70s revival [1.3]
Sex line (Asian mother) [3.1]
Shoe discipline (in 4 parts) [3.5]
Skipinder The Punjabi Kangaroo: #1 [1.6]
                                                   #2 [2.5]
                                                   #3 [3.5]
Smita Smitten Showbiz Kitten: Video shop [1.1]
                                               Cinema [1.3]
                                               Toilet [1.4]
                                               Chip shop [1.4]
                                               Meets Chunky Lafunga [2.1]
                                               Sacked [2.3]
                                               Mother’s kitchen [2.4]
                                               Drunk in bedroom [2.6]
                                               Current affairs show [Xmas show]
                                               Smita Sniffs It Out [3.1]
                                               Street Date [3.2]
                                               Childrens TV [3.4]
                                               Airport bodysearch [3.5]
Songs: Kiss My Chuddies [1.1]
           I Know Him Too Well [1.2]
           Things You Can Do When The Kids Are Away [1.3]
           Untouchable [1.4]
           Immigration [1.5]
           That’s Right We Chose Each Other [1.6]
           Punjabi Girl [2.1]
           Hindi People [2.2]
           The Blacked Up Men [2.3]
           50 Ways To Leave Your Mother [2.4]
           Old Friends Like Bookends [2.5]
           Get Juggy With It [2.6]
           Let’s All Do The Twist [Xmas show]
           The Bhandari Bunch [Xmas show]
           Nativity Song [Xmas show]
           Bollywood [3.1]
           Hey Big Spinster [3.2]
           Club Nirvana [3.3]
           Say As If [3.4]
           Let’s Make Arrangements [3.5]
           British Oh So British [3.6]
Swami: Lecture [1.1]
            ‘Would you like to become a Hindu?’ [1.1]
            Double glazing [1.3]
            Questions [1.6]
            Bollocks [1.6]
            Cast off your clothes [2.1]
            Scrabble [2.1]
            Balls [2.2]
            Krsna [2.3]
            Trivial Pursuit [2.3]
            Goalkeeper [2.4]
            Book Launch [2.5]
            Twister [2.5]
            Tile game [2.6]
            Cluedo [Xmas show]
            English football team [3.4]
            Ads [3.6]
Sutti & Sweep [2.4]
Tampon ad (Meeting) [1.5]
Tandoori paint [2.1]
‘That’s Right We Chose Each Other’ (Song) [1.6]
The Six Million Rupee Man [1.2]
‘Things You Can Do When The Kids Are Away’ (Song) [1.3]
This Dhal Is Fantastic: Sex scene on TV [3.2]
                                  Wildlife documentary [3.2]
                                  Sexual position [3.2]
                                  Scrabble [3.2]
                                  Real sex [3.2]
This Is About The Colour Of My Skin: Oversleeping [1.4]
                                                            Public toilet [2.6]
                                                            Girlfriend [2.6]
                                                            Policeman [2.6]
                                                            Grotto [Xmas show]
                                                            Chemist [3.3]
                                                            Sikh fire brigade [3.6]
This Morning With Rajinder and Guddi/Fashion designer [3.4]
Travel agent (Film Noir spoof) [1.4]
Troubled son: Sikh [1.1]
                      Hindu [1.1]
                      Muslim [1.1]
Types of poo [3.6]
‘Untouchable’ (Song) [1.4]
The Waltons [2.3]
White wife who pretends to be Asian: Restaurant [1.4]
                                                          Bus stop [1.4]
                                                          Tree dancing [1.4]
Wife Shop (Monty Python Cheese Shop spoof) [1.5]
Women’s Refuge: Pursued woman [Xmas show]
                            New boss [Xmas show]


BBC2, 24 July 1999
Intro [2’35]

Peter Sellers song played; intro from Mrs Aubergine (‘All I need is BBC2...’); Bhasker runs down night’s proceedings; Smita Smitten finally meets Art Malik

Unpugged [28’15]

Spoof documentary (tongue-in-cheek interviews, etc). Featured these out-takes:
Clearance form/Son who doesn’t want to be a pop star
Competitive Mothers - Party
Cheap Uncle - Travel agent
Rasmalai Boys - Train*
Jodhpur station 1947
Middle class Asian students
Indian! - Royals (x3)
Bhangra Babes - Gents
Rasmalai Boys - Asiaworld (x6)
Sarcastic Grandmother (Ambulance)
Asian Broacsating Company (x5)
Indian wedding explanation
Gay Son (x3)
[*Clapperboard reveals recording date was 24/9/97]

Link 1 [2’52]
Clip of Cliff Richard and Una Stubbs singing ‘Goodness Gracious Me’; first part of ‘Superfan’ search

Brimful Of Asia - 40 Years Of Asians On TV [16’08]
Light-hearted documentary; linking material/characters from Bhasker

Link 2 [5’04]

Another rundown; another clip of the Richard/Stubbs song; second heat of ‘Superfan’ contest; brief Chunky Lafunga piece from Ghir

Live ’99 On The Road [24’25]
Material excluded from imminent video release. All converted to FRV.
Toby Longworth intro (Spinal Tap homage)
Gay son
‘Punjabi Girl’ (Song)
Jewish son
Toby Longworth monologue

Link 3 [7’05]

Final ‘Superfan’ heat; ‘Going For An English’ played in full; credits

NOTE (1): This was followed by Series 2, Show 2 (the first in a repeat run); tagged by a short piece from Mrs Aubergine telling the viewers to go to bed. For those who were still up, BBC2 broadcast the Bollywood movie Gharwali Baharwali.

NOTE (2): Exclusive trailers were made to promote Goodness Gracious Me Night, featuring Chunka Lafunga and Smita Smitten spoofing the Spice Girls hit ‘Spice Up Youir Life’.



BBC Radio Collection audio cassette, released January 1998

Side 1
‘Best Of Series 1’ compilation (18/12/96); one sketch cut

Side 2
Series 2, Show 2 (18 July 1997)

Side 3
Series 2, Show 3 (25 July 1997)

Side 4 (1 August 1997)
Sreries 2, Show 4


BBC Video, released November 1998

[Episode numbers in brackets]

Business Meeting (Jonathan) [1]
Check Please - Skipping dessert/Already quite fat [1]
Calcutta Male Voice Choir [1]
Kapoors Pronounced Cooper - Dinner party [1]
Check Please - Seafood [1]
Jodhpur Station 1947 [1]
Cinema ad/Going For An English [1]
Check Please - Models [1]
Bhangra Muffins - Train [3]
‘That’s Right We Chose Each Other’ (Song) [6]
Arranged Shag [6]
Ghost/9½ Weeks parody [6]
Have You Met My Daughter? (Tony Blair) [6]
Smita Smitten - Video shop [1]
Mr Everything Comes From India - Veranda [5]
Bharat Home [6]
Kapoors Pronounced Cooper - Barbecue [6]
Mr Everything Comes From India quickie - Shakespeare [6]
The Six Million Rupee Man [2]
English Wife (Restaurant) [4]
Smita Smitten - Public toilet [4]
Check Please - Oyster sick [3]
Authentic Indian Objects [3]
Mrs Aubergine - Pizza Restaurnt [2]
Mr Everything Comes From India quickie (Bookshop) [6]
Competitive mothers (Wedding reception) [4]
English Wife quickie (Dancing by trees) [4]
Over-reacting family (Car) [4]
Cheap Uncle - Travel agent [2]
‘I Know Him Too Well’ (Song) [2]
Bhuddist pest control [3]
Rough Guide To England [2]
Mrs Aubergine quickie - Supermarket [2]
Cheap Uncle quickie - Kidney [2]
Jewish son [5]
Song: ‘Kiss My Chuddies’/Credits [1]


Out-takes tagged onto end:
Gay Son [2] / Bhangra Babes [5] / Advertising Agency [5])


VVL video, released October 1999

(Backstage footage)
Introduction by Bernard Marasingwe
Over-reacting Family (Wembley)
Rasmalai Boys
Competitive Mothers
Indian! - Superman
Lack Of Indian Culture
Going For An English
Sex line/Asian mother
Bhangra Babes
Rasmalai Boys - ‘Kiss My Chuddies’ (Song)
Smita Smitten/Chunky Lafunga
Mrs Aubergine
Coopers & Robinsons - ‘British Oh So British’ (Song)

© 2000 - 2001 some of the corpses are amusing