Did this programme really happen or did we dream it?
1.
The pilot (entitled On The Hour) was made in 1993, but never broadcast. According to co-writer Peter Baynham, it suffered from too many word-heavy sketches and was not sufficiently visually-defined to satisfy the team. Another piece of self-criticism was that ‘grotesque’ material which had worked well on radio simply looked feckless and unpleasant when presented visually. The content of the show remains a mystery, since TalkBack have no plans to release the material, and it has never been bootlegged. One theory is that the 'Weather Collar' report from Silvester Stewart (David Schneider) may have originated from the pilot (as it's slightly cheaper-looking than the other weather reports and doesn't follow the concept of Stewart being a 'part-graphic' TV presenter). Peter Baynham, however, has confirmed that none of the pilot was plundered for the series.
[NOTE (1): John Lloyd assisted in the production of the pilot.]
[NOTE (2): If you believe in journalists, Chris Morris walked out half way through one of the sessions. He came back though.]
2.
An early trailer for the series (broadcast on 1/1/94) featured a brief snatch of dialogue which never surfaced in the series: we hear Morris bark the line ‘Seventeen thousand full-size Neil Youngs at a cost of over forty...’ before the line fades out and a voice-over (Michael Alexander St John) cuts in and announces the start date. Another trailer was voiced-over by Morris himself and featured another never broadcast news-snatch which said '…Mr Howard, as a live antelope burst from his stomach…'.
[NOTE: Some journalists at the time noted that Morris' deliberately camera-shy publicity-tactics resulted in his presence being clipped from most publicity shots. However it's entirely possible that he was never part of the infamous 'Tin Machine' group photo sessions anyway and was simply pasted in afterwards. If you look carefully you'll notice that he's slightly out of step with the others and the phrase '28 IF' appears on his cuff-links…]
3.
Out-takes from the series, along with specially-recorded links, were edited into six three-minute ‘taster’ shows (effectively extended trailers) called The Day Today MiniNews. These were broadcast the night before each transmission, following Quantum Leap. The first few of these were not listed in the Radio Times. The out-takes served the concept well: they could be used as ‘clips’ (advertising the full reports in the full programme) in the style of real trailers. The material itself is completely up to standard.
The MiniNews shows comprised the following:
#1 (18/1/94): Morris informing us about unattended farms, Alan Partridge commentating on a tennis match, an out-take from the ‘Church Bullies’ sketch (Rebecca Front seated with a little girl, describing a brutal christening), and a shot of a silhouetted trumpeter over which Morris bellows ‘Is this the man behind Britain’s police?’
#2 (25/1/94): Morris reporting on ugly children who have ‘the looks of an old man’, an out-take from the ‘Dentists’ sketch (Marber's character musing ‘You can only shake your head so many times - eventually it falls off...’), a 'Speak Your Brains' vox-pop and a preview of Partridge broadcasting from Marple.
#3 (1/2/94): Morris talks about dentists nominating bad teeth*, Rosie May ('…my ducts are green') draws our attention to ‘meat farms’, Partridge gets hit in the side of the head by a Morris-propelled football, a doctor warns us about babies being born at over a hundred miles per hour, and there is an out-take from ‘The Pool’: Coogan, as a teacher, reprimands a schoolboy for swimming into a woman’s ‘chestal area’.
* This routine was re-used by Morris in a news report in his Radio One show later that year.
#4 (8/2/94): Morris tells us that Frank Sinatra is no longer famous, before engaging in a discussion with Partridge about dead bodies - acted to perfection by Coogan, this is possibly the strongest Partridge handover in the entire series. Partridge also comments on a golf tournament. There's a report about a horned schoolboy who's 'been banned from maths' and we are shown an out-take from the ‘Near-deadness’ documentary, with Marber delivering his anecdote while being defibrillated (‘I couldn’t believe it, I was having a heart attack...’)
#5 (15/2/94): Entirely linked with shots of David Schneider as the ‘Newsdancer’, with a succession of jovial Morris-barked headlines over a bed of TDT muzak. Includes an out-take from the ‘Memories of 1944’ documentary (the brilliant Jean Aintrie describing how she used to be impressed by the size of a man’s lion), a hark-back to Show 1's 'It's Your Blood' and a great parody of nodding-shots from Partridge in an interview with a tennis ace (Minnie Driver). Ends with the best Morris payoff of the whole series: 'That's the Day Today and aint it the funkiest newsiest mothersucker in the 'hood right now. Yo, bro, dance me a full stop, y'all!'
#6 (22/2/94): Features Morris’ phone conversation with submacrewman 'Chesney Christ', Partridge commentates on a bob-sleighing tournament (‘Strange to think I had a Bob Sleigh in my class at school - a boy who had no interest in the sport whatsoever...’). , and Barbara Wintergreen promises to report from Michigan where ‘they’ve discovered the world’s youngest man’.
With the exception of two items, none of the above is available on the BBC videos.
4.
Silvester Stewart’s first weather report (19/1/94) shows signs of editing: after his first Iannuccian simile (‘Roughly as if the mist were hugging the ground like an over-affectionate and rather damp dog...’), there’s a noticeable judder before his disembodied head floats towards the Midlands. This could suggest a missing line or just a tightening up of the scene.
5.
The ‘Kiddystare’ item in the opening show (footage of adults intently watching toddlers frolicking with balloons, with Morris’ voice-over describing it as ‘naked two year olds romping for the pleasure of adults’) was originally longer: ‘We had to trim it,’ admitted Morris, interviewed in NME. According to an article about C4's 'Minipops' (the subject of TDT's parody) in Bizarre magazine, Steve Coogan threatened to quit the entire project if the sketch went out, the brief sequence in the edited show presumably being a compromise job.
[NOTE: Here's a speculation - in the 'Conor Hammill' sequence (Show 2), Coogan unfurls a long strip of accident-photos ('Is this cool..?). One of these photos doesn't seem to be an accident shot and instead appears to feature a toddler sitting on a plastic stool with somebody doing something oblique to her leg. Amusing to wonder whether, in the light of Coogan's squeamishness over 'Kiddystare', Morris and Iannucci may have slipped in the photo in question to worry him further…
6.
When The Day Today was nominated for a BAFTA Award, the clip chosen to represent the show was the sketch about clamping the homeless (Show 5). The sycophantic audience screams that accompanied this were in spite of the sketch’s best line being butchered: the phrase ‘many of them drunk and pissed up on booze’ was amended to ‘many of them drunk on booze’.
[NOTE (1): A mute out-take from the Kim Wilde interview (with Morris turning to face the camera) is used in a ‘Speak Your Brains’ sting. Other unbroadcast celebrity interviews featured in stings include Glenda Jackson, Jeffrey Archer, Darcus Howe, Tony Banks and John Prescott. The interviews in question may have been fantastic but as Morris and Iannucci exerted a bit of quality control over the programme, they are relegated to 'sting'-status (in contrast to The 11 O'Clock Show which uses every broadcastable scrap of material they film, regardless of its entertainment value).]
[NOTE (2): A clip played at the 1994 Comedy Awards of the IRA spokesman inhaling helium (from Show 2) also had the caption ‘Bastard?’ obscured by a crude banner. The ‘Fur Q’ rap parody was also played, with all profanities - including ‘bitch’ - obscured with sound effects.]
7.
There are two hidden 'fuck's in the series. One is during the interview with 'Matthew Krean' in Show 6, where Morris can be heard to mutter ‘fucking wanker’ as he storms off. The other is during the ‘Our War’ video trailer at the close of Show 5, where a member of Kate Adie’s crew is heard to exclaim ‘fucking hell’ over the top of an explosion (between ‘Get Down On It’ and ‘Dreadlock Holiday’). At the time of transmission, fucks were still not permitted (even with the customary gushing warning) on studio-recorded BBC comedy shows. This situation seemed to change barely six months later.
[NOTE: There appears to be a removal of profanities from David Schneider's manic newspaper-purchase in Show 6's 'The Office'. As he exits the shop, there's an awkward pause in his jubilant cry of 'I've done it - I've got the (pause) Mirror!'. It's possible that he originally shouted 'I've got the fucking Mirror!' (though it's unlikely as he's a good Jewish boy who loves his mother already).]
8.
During the piece from 'Helwyn Ballard' (a cameo from Armando Iannucci) in Show 2, Doon MacKichan can be seen to floor 'Peter O’Hanraha’Hanrahan' (Patrick Marber) in the background. When we briefly return to the scene (during the multi-handovers), Marber’s body has vanished.
[NOTE: A similar hidden joke can be found in Show 5, where the cast of The Bureau are seen driving past the clamped homeless on their lorry.]
9.
The ‘Fur Q’ gangsta rap parody (26/1/94) originally had its profanities obscured quite subtly, with various hip-hop FX pasted over the word ‘motherfucker’. However, when the footage was re-edited to form part of some newly-compiled ‘MiniNews’ selections (broadcast in January 1995), the profanities were given another coating of censorship - less offensive profanities (e.g., ‘Cop’(!)) were now pasted over completely, and the music appeared to have been remixed to draw attention away from the lyrics in general.
[NOTE: These newly-compiled MiniNews episodes were used to fill up the gaps left by the 25-minute Not The Nine O’Clock News compilations. They utilised material from both the original MiniNews editions and from the series itself.]
[NOTE (2): Listening the the ‘Fur Q’ sequence in stereo with Surroundsound allows one to experience the backing vocal chants nice and clearly. It sounds like ‘Love-Fuck’ to us. Anybody else agree?]
10.
When Morris announces the weather in Show 3, the background shot shows a silhouetted soldier (David Schneider?) firing a gun and humping a rock. This is presumably an out-take from the ‘War’ sketch.
[Note: Mute out-takes from the ‘War’ sketch are used at the start of the ‘This Is Our War’ trailer. It's likely that the shot of Morris driving off on a jeep (with Douglas Hurd still on his TV monitor on the back) was an original alternative ending to the show as it bears all the hallmarks of a final payoff to camera. In the broadcast version we return to the 'Day Today' studio.]
11.
The video of Shows 1, 2 and 3 (BBCV 5426, released in 1995) contains certain changes:
(a) The camera which originally shot up Cher’s vagina in the ‘Rok TV’ sketch (26/1/94) has been replaced with similar footage involving Madonna. The 'Rok TV' logo is also absent for this change.
(b) The ‘Chapman Baxter’ sketch (19/1/94) has been overdubbed so that the prison guard, instead of singing a genuine Presley song, sings a string of Elvis song-titles (‘Are you lonesome tonight / Love me tender, hound dog / Blue suede shoes...’) to the tune of ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’. Both this and the Cher sequence were altered for PRS reasons.
[NOTE: The ‘Our War’ video trailer, a 'Rock ‘n’ Roll Years' parody which features many snippets of original music, is surprisingly unaltered on the second video (BBCV 5588). Suprising too is the fact that, in contrast to the rest of the series which is gloriously mixed for stereo, the trailer selections (e.g. Wings' 'Jet', Kool and the Gang's 'Get Down On It', 10cc's 'Dreadlock Holiday', Baccara's 'Sorry I'm a Lady', The Kinks' 'You Really Got Me', The Pretenders' 'Stop Sobbing', and The Gap Band's 'Oops Upside Your Head') are in boring old mono.]
(c) There are also 'out-takes' at the end of the first tape, hidden away like mystery tracks on a CD. The items appear about three minutes after the BBC copyright logo (which, amusingly, appears again after they've finished) and are taken from Mininews 6 (the phone call to ‘Chesney Christ’ trapped in a submarine), and Mininews 4 (Alan Partridge commentating on a golf game) with another three-minute gap between them. They are crudely presented (with video noisebars and unsteady audio editing), to convey a vague feeling of ‘anarchy’, but they are clearly designed to be discovered. Sadly, there is no extra material of this kind on the second tape.
[NOTE: The cuts are obvious in the ‘Chesney Christ’ piece - Morris is clearly miming to a pre-recorded phone piece, and his inset picture changes position on the screen upon each edit. It also changes size, displayed smaller in places perhaps to disguise less successful attempts at miming!]
12
Head-contributor Peter Baynham makes several cameos throughout the series. Aside from his obvious role as Gay Desk's 'Colin Popshed' (Show 6), he's also seen being interviewed during Show 4's 'police eating suspects' piece (although we don't get to hear his comments); filming an electrocuted Morris at the start of 'Genutainment' (Show 1) and, obliquely, in drag as the 'small dumpy Susan with bad ears' in the final show's 'Business News'.
13.
Show 6's headline referring to the Leicester man who has won the right to eat his sister is illustrated with an old passport photo which, observers have noted, bears a striking resemblance to a young Chris Morris. Because it is him, probably…
14.
Show 1's 'Attitudes Night' features an aged soap opera pastiche called 'Frampton Row' ('Turrah, y'shitter…'). On the newspaper hoarding is a headline which, through the magic of Alison McPhail's cleverness is rendered unreadable in long shot. The two-shot allows us to read the first word at least. It is 'Morris'.
15.
As part of the promotion, Select magazine (who, at the time featured among its staff TDT contributors Graham Linehan and Steven Wells) ran a generous two-page spread devoted to the series. The article was written by one Andrew Harrison and gives a nice insight into the set-up portrayed in the show. It is possible that the whole article was an adaptation of the official press-release for the series, rewritten especially for Select. The following fictional facts are revealed:
The term 'Ultra News' applies to 'a system of tendering known as the Self Funding Reporter Initiative' (reporters bid for the chance to cover stories then sell the results back to the programme).
The Day Today is owned by an Australian-Malaysian conglomerate called Trans-Global News (its Murdoch-figure being one Ross Edwards). Part of the deal with the BBC involved the latter putting money into the building of Trans-Global's new InfoCentre at Chelsea Harbour.
Plenty of facts are revealed about the characters:
PATRICK (sic) O'HANRAHA'HANRAHAN (Economics Editor) won a Golden Fist award in 1992 for his coverage of the Chicago Blister.
[NOTE:
On The Hour's ‘Kevin Smear’ was also the recipient of such an award 'for irresistible journalism…']
COLLATERLIE SISTERS (Business Correspondent) originally worked for Sky TV's Currency Today. Her salary is said to be twice as large as the Chairman of Barclays Bank. 'My aim is to illustrate the powerful symmetry that exists between life and money.', she says.
SYLVESTER STEWART (Ultra-Weatherman) is a pioneer of graphics-led 'Ultra-weather' technology. A 27-year-old computer meteorologist whose technology can simulate and influence any weather system in the world and has been, since the age of 19, part- graphic. 'I aim to present the most powerful weather forecasts in the whole of the British Isles.'
ROSY MAY (Enviromation) is head of GaiaVision Productions (in the Mendip area) and they supply the Green Desk packages. 'The world is bigger than you think but smaller than it should be.'
NOTE: The article describes her packages as 'Green Desk' although this On The Hour phrase didn't make it to The Day Today.
BARBARA WINTERGREEN (North American Correspondent) is a former anchor at CBN's award-winning news magazine 'It's Happening Right Now' 'I've never been late for an event and I don't expect them to be late for me.'
ALAN PARTRIDGE (Sport) is a newcomer, a former presenter on Anglia Television's 'Sportsaround'. 'I aim to report on football, golf, cricket, racing, rugby, athletics, boxing, snooker, showjumping and tennis.'
CHRISTOPHER MORRIS (anchor) whose credentials include being the only press-man in the UK to have reduced Jeffrey Archer to tears and the perennial 'being fired from the BBC for using make-up on disaster victims - hired by Ross Edwards for exactly that reason'. 'I aim to put a sudden end to the dreadful degrading of the news process started by Richard Whitmore.'
The article was illustrated with off-monitor shots of various scenes from a promo-tape of the first show (tapecounters ahoy). The picture of Rosy May is odd in that it simply features the character against a blue background rather than the ringed logo as featured in the series. The tape in question must therefore be a rough-cut with some graphics (and possibly actual editing?) yet to be completed.
'Goodnight, bye bye, cheers, good…'
