Starvation in the third world - a small price to pay for some excellent comedy.
1.
Everybody remembers Cliff and The Young Ones' 'Living Doll'. Fewer people recall the 12" mix (Neil: 'Exactly the same as the 7" except you get get 5 inches of nothing in the middle') and practically nobody remembers the flip-side '(All The Little Flowers Are) Happy' which was a nice long sketch. A transcript features at the end of the Edit News: THE YOUNG ONES section if you're interested.
2.
All three of the original ‘Comic Relief’ stage shows (three nights at the Shaftsbury Theatre, London in April 1986) were filmed and this footage yielded two separate programme-edits – one for TV (BBC1 28/4/86) and one which was released as a commercial video at Christmas the same year. Being 1986 the sketches featured in the TV edit were cut to ribbons, removing all profanities from Rik Mayall’s solo spot and favouring tamer sets from other participants. Many sketches used in the TV edit were dropped for the video release. These included:
a) A tedious routine from Rory Bremner which featured Sebastian Coe and Steve Ovett in a spoof race around the theatre.
b) Two routines from Pamela Stephenson – one as ‘Janet Street Porter’ abusing the Kinnock family in one of the royal boxes, the other as a nun performing a violent conjuring trick aided by her husband Billy Connolly, a couple of Time Bandits, and convicted paedophile Gary Glitter.
c) A routine from Ronnie Corbett. And one from a not-in-character Lenny Henry.
d) ‘Safer’ routines from Ben Elton and Billy Connolly.
[NOTE: Billy Connolly’s full routine apparently extended to half an hour and the two separate segments used in the TV and video edits were culled from this one performance. Parts of it (though not necessarily out-takes – we’ll have to check) were later released on the ‘Billy Connolly 25 Years BC’ video.]
e) Rowan Atkinson and Angus Deayton performing the 'Fatal Beatings' sketch.
f) A specially-filmed studio insert at the start featuring Paul Eddington, in his Jim Hacker guise from Yes Minister, saying something achingly appropriate and satirical we imagine.
The video edit featured a generally better selection of material however. It also segued Geldof and Ure’s acoustic rendition of ‘Feed The World’ into the full ensemble rendition which made it a tad less painful to watch. Other notable differences include a naughty version of Rowan Atkinson’s famous ‘Headmaster’ routine and an extended version of French & Saunders ‘Contraception’ routine.c) Blahdiblah, more to come…
[NOTE: The video cover promised a performance by Raw Sex but their contribution extended no further than playing as the house band.]
[NOTE (2): Both the TV and video versions of Atkinson and Kate Bush’s ‘Do Bears…’ feature an appalling edit in the middle of the song suggesting that they’ve been joined together from two separate performances.]
[NOTE (3): During Atkinson's reading of the class register in 'Headmaster', a wag in the audience shouts 'Coming, sir' in answer to the name 'Jack Ulation'. The audience volume is noticably mixed up so we can hear it (with an increase in tape hiss also). Atkinson however has obviously not heard the idiot and continues the routine without comment, despite the audience giggles.]
3.
The LP release of the show tightens up the slight vocal fluff during Howard Jones’ performance of ‘Life In One Day’. It also cuts Rik Mayall’s solo stuff entirely (Possibly due to his rendition of ‘Do You Love Me?’ being unclearable, the rest of the set being a tad visual), fading up at the arrival onstage of Christopher Ryan. The Young Ones’ routine itself is a longer edit than either of the visual versions and features a scene in which Vyvian gives a solo rendition of ‘Living Doll’ alluding to a ‘blocked-up lavvy’. Some selections chosen for the LP differ from the ones used on the visual versions, eg an alternate performance of Lenny Henry’s ‘Big Love’ routine.
4.
The cassette editions of Utterly Utterly Live feature a bonus track – Michael Palin’s ‘Biggles Goes To See Bruce Springsteen’. Again, this did not feature in either the TV or video edit of the show.
[NOTE: Michael Palin also performed this routine on the Secret Policeman’s Biggest Ball. Again this was cut for the TV edit but retained for the long-delayed video edition.]
5.
The LP begins with a post-production studio announcement from Rowan Atkinson, introducing the Spitting Image puppet of Prince Andrew (voiced by Christopher Barrie). It begins thus:PRINCE ANDREW Good evening. I'd like to welcome you all to The 'Shafts'-bury…(Laughter)…which, as you know, is named after one of my favourite pastimes (Huge laugh). In my official capacity, however…
T he video version, however, featured a more round-the-houses edit of the same amusement:
PRINCE
ANDREW
Ha ha ha…bloody funny, ya! Good evening,. I'd like to welcome you all to The
'Shafts'-bury…(Laughter)…which, as you know, is named after one of my favourite
pastimes…(Laughter; pause)…Burying! (Pause)…burying the beef bayonet.
(Laughter) And of course shafting. So that's two, really. Not so keen on the theatre,
mind you. In my official capacity, however…
It did, however, cut the 'Alright Slaggy, button it…' line
(in reference to the Louise Gold-voiced Fergie puppet), which was
featured on the LP.
6.
[NOTE: Cliff Richard attempted, unsuccessfully, to have his performance of 'Living Doll' removed from the commercial video as he was worried that his fans would buy it and be offended by the fruitier sections by the other participants. God meanwhile showed his displeasure of such edit-interference and ensured its safe passage to our shelves.]
[NOTE (2): Sir Cliff was, not unnaturally, continually quizzed on the touchy subject of The Young Ones at the time of the collaboration and claimed to have only seen the show once ('and some guy nailed his legs to the table - ridiculous!')
7.
A special Comic Relief cassette was available for a short time from Our Price which featured Smashy & Nicey (Paul Whitehouse and Harry Enfield) introducing a radio show with 'Radio Fab' jingles from Phil Pope, contributions from Ben Elton and Stephen Fry and a selection of comedy songs including Lenny Henry's live 'Big Love' (dubbed from a scratched copy of the 'Comic Relief' Shaftsbury Avenue LP even though a studio-performed version exists) and stereo, audience-free dubs of French and Saunders' ABBA parody 'C'est La Vie' (the original broadcast of which was monaural) and Smith and Jones' Madonna parody 'Brogues'. Lovely.
8.
The awful ‘Debt Wish’ live show (three nights recorded at the Brixton Academy in June 1999), was edited into two compilations broadcast on BBC1. Both were scrappy affairs, weighed down by mugging backstage antics and token fund-raising films, and featured segments of routines rather than full items. Lee and Herring’s performance had a huge chunk cut off the beginning, involving some necessary set-up material for those unfamiliar with their persona, not to mention some of their stronger jokes. A BBC video of the event rectified these grievances, but a sow’s ear is a sow’s ear.
One routine deserves special mention, however. At the time of the show, Time Out alluded to a Rowan Atkinson monologue (written by Richard Curtis) about a vicar that kept saying the word ‘cunt’. The magazine sagely commented that said performance would almost certainly not make the BBC1 edit.
They were right...but sadly the routine didn’t make the 18-rated video (which bore the breathtakingly awful name Rude For Reason) either. What we see is Atkinson (as ‘the vicar of Brixton’) blessing the show:
ATKINSONAnd may the performers likewise refrain from unnecessary bad language. Thou could so easily have peppered the commandments with...fruity vocabulary. ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’ could perfectly easily have been ‘Thou shalt not shaft thy neighbour’s wife up against the chapel wall’...
This is then followed by a long-shot cutaway and some rather odd-sounding, disproportionate laughter and ecstatic applause. This was presumably an escalating joke, with the third commandment being very rude indeed.
[NOTE:
This reminds us, actually...there was an episode of The Thin Blue Line once (‘Come On You Blues’, Series 2, Show 5, 12/12/96) where the cast were in the back of a police van discussing the homoerotic nature of organised sport. Detective Boyle quoted three of his favourite rugby songs: namely, ‘The Hairs On Her Dicky-Di-Doe’, ‘Tits Out For The Lads’...and a far bathetically filthier third one, which was obscured by a cutaway of Constable Goody looking shocked.]