Hello Jim
Hello Jim.

Thanks for agreeing to talk to me.  Nobody else seems to want to
No worries, matey.  Can't speak for long though.  So much to do, y'know.  Gotta transcribe this interview for a start.

We'll try not to keep you from your work, Jim.
I appreciate it.  I have lots to do, remember.  Perhaps a little reminder paragraph here?

Jim has lots to do.  Hardly a minute of the day goes by without him working on some new project or other.  Amongst the many and varied things he has lined is a series of interviews promoting himself and his production company.  Just how does he find the time to fit it all in?  Especially without a paid staff or government arts grant

Tell me, Jim.  How do you find the time to fit it all in.  Especially without a paid staff or government arts grant?
It's difficult.  Generally it means having to do a lot of stuff off my own back without any help - like for instance this interview!  Sometimes I imagine how much easier it would all be if there were someone else who was interested in my work.  Just one person. That way I could leave it for other people to spread the word and get on with actually doing it.

I suppose doing the interviews yourself does allow more freedom of expression.
Yes.  Yes of course.  At least I know my words aren't going to be twisted and distorted.  Heaven knows they're twisted enough as it is!!!!!!!!

I detect a trace of modesty there
Shit.

You were one of the few people Graham Chapman knew before he died.  How did his death affect you?
I'm not gay though.

And you now run the Graham Chapman literary estate.
Sure.  I was the guy for the job.  As Graham's friend and drinking buddy David Sherlock said to me, last time I knocked on his door, 'Look, if you want to make yourself useful, just tidy up this attic a bit - get rid of all these bloody half-finished scripts that are lying around.  So, I grabbed a few suitcasesful and here I am.

And you've actually published a few of the scripts in question.
Yeah, there were some vintage Chapman pieces there. Though after a lot of thought and consideration I plumped for the more recent stuff.

The stuff he wrote with yourself?
Like I say - best guy for the job!

I know you're a very private man but would you care to tell us about some of the many projects you're currently working on?
Wow - where do I start?  Did I mention transcribing this interview and putting it on-line?

I did, yes.
That'll take me into next week, what with the HTML tags to do.  After that, well there's plenty to keep me going.  There's the 'Liar's Autobiography' project which is at a very crucial stage at the moment.

That was Graham's book of memoirs?
Yeah, I really think the guy only skimmed the surface of what was possible in autobiographical terms.  Unfortunately he died before he got onto the really interesting stuff about the pair of us writing together and stuff.  So we're planning a reissue with with some extra chapters.  And I've taken out all that gay stuff because, well, I personally think he was a bit confused when he wrote all that.

I gather I'm planning a film too?
We are.  It's all very exciting.  It'll be a multi-media affair - the film will be made by that cartoon company who did Dickens adaptations in the early 80s.  There'll be an on-line version too with interactive Flash animations and games.  It's really neat - you have to navigate a little Graham through a maze avoiding gin bottles and big hairy homosexuals.

What else have I got in the planning stage?
Well, there's the Bonzo Dog reunion package I'm trying to get together.

Ah yes - the infamous Bonzos reunion.  How is it going?
Well, Sam Spoons might be able to make it if he can get the air fare together.  And I think Vernon Dudley Bohay Nowell is still alive.  Neil Innes has very kindly sent a telegram which we're going to have blown up and projected against the back wall.  I've very kindly written them a brand new song called Baby Yeah In Mississippi - a kind of homage to the Londoncentric scene of the 60s.  I went to London once y'know.  They drive on the wrong side of the sidewalk and eat chips!!   They were really crazy, those Bonzos.  I loved their reissues.  They were very much The Raves of their day.

Ah, The Raves - one of America's most underrated power pop bands.  They were wonderful.
Thank you.  We did a reunion benefit recently y'know.

I know - I was there - on the drums.
Of course I was.  It was amazing. The crowd just went wild.  But a few of them stayed for the second half too so that was nice.  It's nice to give something back, y'know.

Even though the ticket clearly stated 'no refunds'?
Yeah.

And it was a charity gig.
Yeah.  For cancer research.  It's a subject close to my heart.  Someone's gotta be to blame for cutting off my potential earnings.

How do you feel when Douglas Adams dies?
Well, shoot - how d'you feel when anybody dies, man?  I just count myself lucky that I knew the guy at all and .  If I'd known he was due to croak it soon then I'd have perhaps taken time out to get to know him better.

Jim, has it occured to you that very few genuine Python fans actually respect you as a person?
Shoot, baby, I aint in this business to make friends.  I'm a businessman.  But, y'know, I'm a nice guy.

So the accusations that you're just a failed writer attempting to trade on the names of people far more talented than you don't hurt none?
Water off a duck's bill, matey.

And jokes about you being the least successful of the Yoakum brothers - including mad old Uncle Hymie Yoakum who runs a second-hand soil shop in Colorado - don't grate at all.
No, not a bit.

And the fact that people have started to notice that all your books and articles are just Americanised rewrites of earlier, much better books and articles?
Well...

And the fact that David Sherlock probably only asked you to be 'executor' of the literary estate just to get you out from under his feet for a bit?
Hey now...

And the fact that very few of your projects seem to see the light of day, despite the fact any half-arsed twat with a box set in one hand and a word processor in the other can get a published book about Python on the shelves these days?  And the fact that...
Waiddaminute, shit, what is all this?

Them's the facts, bucky.
Yeah, well, let me tell you something, buddy.  Who are YOU?  You're just a washed-up has-been plugging himself on his own sites because no-one else can stomach him.  You're a goddamn pain in the ass.

I'm your good side, Jim.  The side of you that cares.
Yeah?  Well I'm Jim Yoakum, got me? JIM YOAKUM! NOW RESPECT MY FACKIN' AUTHORITAAAAAAHHHH!

FX: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING

PAUSE

Jim?

Jim are you still there?

I've... I've done it. I've finally I've eliminated my 'good' side. Now, there's no stopping me.

Now I can pass a law making it illegal for anyone to sing Beatles songs in the street without asking my permission first!

Now I can make good my plan to sue the Pythons for making Life Of Brian before I got a chance to do it myself!

Now I can reveal the 12-part opera which George Harrison and I were conveniently working on just before he croaked. My time has arrived.

Nothing can hold me back. I am invincible! I am all powerful! I will rule the world!!!!

FX: DOOR HANDLE RATTLES

PAUSE

FX: HANDLE RATTLES

PAUSE

Ah shit - I'm too thick to understand how doors work...