MIKE4
Good evening, I'm Mike.

JOE4
And I'm Joe.

MIKE4
Good, eh? Now the topical routine should go according to plan this time, because Joe here has read a newspaper...

JOE4
It's The Guardian incidentally, if any of you would like to follow along at home.

MIKE4
...And I have been surfing the information superhighway.

JOE4
Oh great, you've got access to the Internet?

MIKE4
The what?

JOE4
The Internet - you're all hooked up?

MIKE4
Ha - who needs the Internet when you have something even better?

JOE4
And that is?

MIKE4
Teletext, Joe.

JOE4
Teletext? But that's rubbish, surely?

MIKE4
It's not - it's the future. The Internet is merely a fad. When it passes away, Teletext will really come into its own.

JOE4
If you say so.

MIKE4
And of course it's very useful for writing a topical routine. Because the news of the day is just there, at the push of six or seven buttons.

JOE4
I see.

MIKE4
And there's artwork on it too - on the pop page there's a computerised picture of David Bowie.

JOE4
From which era?

MIKE4
Difficult to tell. Definitely not 'Heroes' though.

JOE4
Right.

MIKE4
But they've made the effort.

JOE4
I see. So, David Bowie aside, what topical jokes have you come up with from Teletext?

MIKE4
Well, this week I see that EU leaders adopt tough code, which is interesting. Not only that, but Meacher sets safety limits - no surprises there, eh? And, of course, Tories seek treasurer poll. Yeah.

JOE4
What was that supposed to be?

MIKE4
That was my topical routine. All taken from Teletext.

JOE4
That's not a topical routine - you've just copied down the headlines from the contents page. It doesn't mean anything.

MIKE4
It does. It's thought-provoking.

JOE4
What, 'EU leaders adopt tough code'?

MIKE4
Yes.

JOE4
Well what does it mean then? And more to the point, where's the joke?

MIKE4
It doesn't need a joke. It's self-satirising.

JOE4
In what sense?

MIKE4
Shhh. It's not just EU leaders adopting tough code, anyway. Meacher has set safety limits, don't forget. And Tories seek Treasurer poll.

JOE4
Tchah - typical Tories, eh?

MIKE4
Right. Anyway, come on - time for your newspaper bit.

JOE4
We-he-he-hell, I see in today's Guardian that the NHS faces a potential bill for millions of pounds after a far-reaching court of appeal ruling yesterday which will force it to fund nursing care for some severely disabled people in nursing homes. But the health secretary, Frank Dobson...

MIKE4
Wait a minute, you're just paraphrasing the news. That's not topical satire either.

JOE4
Isn't it?

MIKE4
No. Although it was quite funny in places. I liked the bit about the appeal ruling.

JOE4
Yeah, that was quite good.

MIKE4
Anyway, we're almost at the bottom of the page - no time for your topical cartoon...

JOE4
Which is just as well, seeing as I haven't done one.

MIKE4
So we'll bid you goodnight.

JOE4
Goodnight