A Professional writes
As series producer of Rural Health Crime (ITV, Wednesdays), this immediately gives my letter vast credibility.
Elaine Showoff
Carlton UK Productions
Can't think of a pun except 24 Hours From An Ulcer
I was most distressed to note the storyline on BBC1's Casualty (23rd September), about a man with stomach ulcers. I had a stomach ulcer last year and not once did the BBC offer to feature me in its flagship medical drama.
Billiam Walsh
Oxted, Surrey
My, my, Delilah!
As a woman, I feel I must protest about Jeremy Bowen.
Delilah Hebb
Taunton, Somerset
Not again!
Why does the BBC insist on constantly reshowing those cheap and revisionist 1995 compilations of Not The Nine O'Clock News (BBC2, Mondays)? They are shoddily made and there's almost no mention of the first series at all. Please show the whole series properly.
Terry Yolland
Kendal, Cumbria
Mr Yolland wins both shoddy Not The Nine O'Clock News video compilations to underline the fact that we haven't read his letter properly. He also wins a series of polaroids featuring John Lloyd burning the rest of the footage.
This week's ridiculously hyperbolic Dead Ringers letter
I thought I'd never stop screaming with laughter. What am I talking about? Captain Mainwaring saying "Don't tell him, Pike!"? Kipper Williams' cartoon of Charlie Dimmock from last week's Radio Times? My granny's arse on fire? No - the screamingly funny Dead Ringers (BBC corridors, constantly), of course! I always scream with laughter throughout the whole half-hour, meaning that I often miss the programme. Well done, Radio 4!
William Dare
Langham Grey, Yorkshire
Mr. Dare wins a TV transfer for his amusing observations.
Words fail me!
Could someone give me some new nine-letter words to jumble, please? I've run out.
Clive Doig
Trackword, Page 131
It's always entertainment when I'm around
I thought I'd never stop screaming with laughter either.
David Spicer
London
Casual disbelief from Kent
Dead Ringers continues to be essential listening in our house, but can its impressionists really do all those voices?
Valerie Hogan
Orpington
A proper bloody nuisance writes
What's happened to all the BBC Talent comedy entrants from last year?
Steve Dobson
Leeds
Mr. Dobson will be relieved to learn that the BBC remains awash with Talent. From The League Of Gentlemen to Del Boy, and from Ricky Gervais's hilarious The Office to The League Of Gentlemen, all will continue to find a place on BBC Television.
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We've read it several times but we still don't understand this one
Following Robbie Jackson's panto audition (EastEnders, 29 November 2001), he was nowhere near the standard of Robbie Williams, but he does have the same first name. Which set me thinking - who will we see next in Albert Square's very own incarnation of Pop Idol - maybe Mel as Acker Bilk, or Mark as Haddaway? Best of all would be Dot Cotton as Mick Jagger. Maybe Stella Street could do the honours instead? Please hit me really hard right now.
Marshall Roberts
Newton
Format someday
With the news that our award-winning Radio 4 creation The Sunday Format is about to transfer to television, can anyone suggest how we can actually make it work?
John Morton and Paul Schlesinger
London
Look out, he's back
No, I meant that competition that cost the BBC millions to organise when it probably would have been much cheaper to have just hired some decent script-readers to look at some material that was coming in to the BBC anyway. And given that, in 1977, Citizen Smith took only a matter of three months between novice writer John Sullivan meeting Dennis Main Wilson in the BBC bar and the pilot being transmitted, why do things take so long to get made now?
Steve Dobson
Leeds
Mr. Dobson will be relieved to discover that the above story is an urban myth, and that Dennis Main Wilson never actually existed.
In its original form, my obituary looked quite touching even though I only met him once and it looks rubbish now it's been hacked to under 100 words
I was fortunate enough to work with [recently-deceased and much-loved personality] when we appeared together on [Radio 4 panel game/Christmas episode of detective series/It's A Royal Knockout], and he always epitomised [complimentary noun, complimentary noun and complimentary noun]. His last performance, on [Holby City in 1999] was a suitably impressive finale for an actor who [insert epitaph here in not more than ten words].
[Actor/Producer]
You might think I'm clever but by the second sentence, you'll know I'm not
Having really enjoyed [obligatory list of reliable licence-fee mainstays involving David Attenborough and things set in 1847], there's no doubt that the BBC is experiencing a golden age and no mistake. But when oh when is [microscopically minor celebrity who manages to make Kevin Woodford look like a cultural icon] going to get a proper show of their own?
Mrs. E. Abbot
Ashstead, Surrey
What a remarkable memory I have
[RT sub promoted to beyond their abilities]'s article about [John Thaw/Sarah Lancashire/David Jason/Victoria Wood] set me thinking about [long rambling reminiscence about an experience not more than two years ago with only the most tenuous possible connection towards the figure in question].
Mrs. Joan McCallum
Stroud, Gloucestershire
And finally...
With so many hours of [programme genre] clogging up the schedules, how long will it be before everyone involved will start invading other shows? Just imagine it. [A flagship performer/character/personality found in a supposedly unlikely context, for instance] Or [a second slightly more surreal one]? I, for one, can't wait for [utterly ridiculous hypothesis, which, it turns out, is actually being broadcast this very week on BBC2].
[Gordon Tronson]
[Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire]
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