SOTCAA

Comedy so topical it's happening right now, right in front of your eyes.

MIKE4
Good evening, I'm Mike.
JOE4
And I'm Joe.
MIKE4
Now I'd like to apologise about the last topical routine, when neither of us had read any newspapers or seen any actual news.
JOE4
It did rather limit us, yeah.
MIKE4
Yes, but we've put that to rights for this page. Because last night, we listened to the 8pm bulletin on GLR. So I think you'll find we're more than up to date on the happenings of today.
JOE4
Go for it.
MIKE4
Okay. Our first joke concerns Tony Blair and the European elections. Now I know many of you...
JOE4
The European elections?
MIKE4
Yes. Now...
JOE4
That was months back.
MIKE4
Shh! Now I know many of you think that Tony Bl...
JOE4
Is this the same routine you showed me at the start of the year? About the U-turns.
MIKE4
No, it's different.
JOE4
Oh.
MIKE4
Now can I get on?
JOE4
Go ahead.
MIKE4
I've forgotten where I was now.
JOE4
Tony Blair.
MIKE4
Oh yeah. Now Tony Blair has been criticised for making U-turns in Europe....
JOE4
It is about U-turns!
MIKE4
Yes, but it's got a different premise. Now shush!
JOE4
Okay, okay.
MIKE4
Yes, Tony Blair, U-turns. Now some people would say that Tony Blair has made more U-turns than Mark Thatcher in the desert.
JOE4
Sorry, I missed that one.
MIKE4
Tony Blair has made more U-turns than Mark Thatcher the desert.
JOE4
What desert?
MIKE4
That desert he got lost in.
JOE4
Well what's that got to do with Tony Blair?
MIKE4
Nothing.
JOE4
So why mention it?
MIKE4
Because they both turn...you see? Mark Thatcher turned when he was lost...
JOE4
Right...
MIKE4
And Tony Blair turned...U-turned...about Europe, in a sense.
JOE4
In what sense?
MIKE4
In the European sense.
JOE4
With regard to what?
MIKE4
Well, I don't know. I'm not bloody John Cole.
JOE4
John Cole retired about five years ago. He wouldn't know either.
MIKE4
Shush! The point is...Tony Blair has been making U-turns. So, y'know...
JOE4
Why do you suddenly give a toss about all this? You didn't yesterday.
MIKE4
Well I wasn't doing a topical routine yesterday.
JOE4
Right.
MIKE4
Anyway, bring on the topical cartoon.
JOE4
Sorry, I forgot it again.
MIKE4
Bit like Tony Blair, eh?
JOE4
In what sense?
MIKE4
Shush! Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.
JOE4
Goodnights.

A quick round-up of the hottest new DVD releases currently filling a blank space in this part of the book

MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS

Release date: Jan 02

Now available in full for the first time - every single show painstakingly reassembled, remastered and baked in a Camden Town oven to bring you the joy and majesty of those zany Pythons.

Extras available on Region 1 discs:

Director's commentary

Camera rushes

Trailers and TV spots

Rehearsal cinefilm

Wind-up models of peripheral characters from the fourth series

9 hour documentary - 'Terry Jones Goes Through His Boxes'

Money

Drugs

Couple of girlfriends

Freedom of New York

Immunity from all diseases, including naughty ones

World peace

Extras available on Region 2 discs:

Picture of Roger Saunders scowling 'Well at least it's out'

Spam (TM) key fob

DR TERRIBLE'S HOUSE OF HORRIBLE

Release date: Feb 02

Every episode of Steve Coogan's affectionate homage to something which has little to do with him anyway.

Extras:

Special guide to at least seven things you could be watching instead

Special 'Back To The Shop' option

THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN - JUST THE WORDS

Release date: Dec 01

Special release of the commentaries from the first two DVDs. Seperated from the shows for the first time this disc gives a fantastic insight into three or four men talking about themselves with little recourse to irony or basic modesty.

Extras:

Running commentary - hear what the Gentlemen thought about those original running commentaries, learn what kind of shirt Mark Gatiss was wearing at the time and discover the terrible truth about the coffee machine at Framestore, Soho.

Special 'PLAY AGAIN' feature. Depress the 'play' button on your DVD machine and watch the contents of the disc for a second time!

Steve Pemberton's Guide To Buying LoG T-Shirts

CARRY ON TAKING IT FROM THE SAME MANKY VIDEO MASTER

Release date: March 02

Extras include:

Hiss!

Distortion!

Scratches!

Half of Jim Dale's head missing (For those fans who don't like half of Jim Dale's head)

General ineptitude!

Barbra Windsor loses her bra in fucking Lego

THE ULTIMATE SUPERMAN

Release day Dec 01

A 12-disc extravaganza, packed with so many extras that you end up forgetting you have absolutley no interest in Superman in the first place.

DVD MENUS WE
HAVE KNOWN AND LOVED:

JAWS

SCHINDLER'S LIST

DEREK JARMAN'S 'BLUE'