SOTCAA

Up to the minute jokes covering up to the minute events.

MIKE4
Good evening, I'm Mike.
JOE4
And I'm Joe.
MIKE4
And we've been a bit worried, in this fast-moving world of the internets, about the overall shelf-life of this book. So we've decided, in order to keep it fresh and invigorating, to update some bits every so often with up-to-the-minute topical material, right Joe?
JOE4
Apparently, yeah.
MIKE4
So let's get on with it. We've been trawling through the week's papers...
JOE4
Trawling?
MIKE4
Yes, Joe, trawling. We've been dissecting the week's headlines to bring you a thought-provoking topical routine. So, Joe - over to you.
JOE4
What?
MIKE4
The topical routine - go for it!
JOE4
Erm...
MIKE4
You didn't read any news this week, did you?
JOE4
Well you had the newspaper.
MIKE4
No I didn't.
JOE4
Yes you did. You were reading it yesterday.
MIKE4
That was an old one.
JOE4
Ah.
MIKE4
You always do this.
JOE4
What?
MIKE4
Get people's hopes up. Look, the readers out there are waiting for a no-holds-barred expose of the lighter side of the wacky things that happen in the world around us.
JOE4
Wait a second...
MIKE4
What?
JOE4
I remember now - the six o'clock news on Monday. Something happened, erm...
MIKE4
Well come on, think, man, think!
JOE4
Don't rush me. Oh yes - the ginger one from the Liberal Democrats...
MIKE4
Oh yeah...
JOE4
He did something.
MIKE4
Right, come on...what?
JOE4
No, it's gone. I had the sound down, you see. I think he was in a field though.
MIKE4
Right, so...something about genetically-modified farming perhaps?
JOE4
No, he looked a bit too happy for that.
MIKE4
Hmm. Maybe he was at a music festival?
JOE4
Possibly.
MIKE4
Was he dancing?
JOE4
It was...very difficult to tell.
MIKE4
Great. I bet you didn't bring along your topical cartoon either.
JOE4
Well you had the pen.
MIKE4
I was only trying it out, to see if it worked. That's why I was reading that old newspaper I referred to earlier.
JOE4
Oh, I was wondering about that.
MIKE4
Okay...to summarise, ladies and gentlemen: our pen works, and the ginger one from the Liberal Democrats said something.
JOE4
In a field.
MIKE4
In a field, that's right. Anything else to add?
JOE4
Not even slightly.
MIKE4
Goodnight then.
JOE4
Goodnight.

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THE PUB, COLCHESTER. MINUTES OF THE STAFF MEETING HELD 24.5.01
Present: AJP, Clare, Steve, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt C, Clare C, Matt, Matt, Matthew, AJP's friend, more Matts, bald Matt, Matt's mum, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt and Matt.
Apologies: Matt
1) AJP says check the drip-trays for scum. Many drip-trays have scum, but don't look like they do. I don't like scum, so it is a good idea to get rid of scum. Use the scum-remover in the sink cupboard to get rid of the scum.
2) ALWAYS CHECK ID: Even if a person has ID, always check there ID.
3) AJP pointed out that is a condition of your employment that all hands must be wash-ed prior to each session; it is just good sence. So wash hands please.
4) New Smirnoff bottles are now kept in stockroom, next to the cloths.
5) Many staff are still not wering they're t-shirts. Wer them please.
6) Insure that the 'till has it''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''s receipt in it. Overwize, the money will cause problems.
7) REMEMBER the golden rule: Always serve soda water with the glass tilted.
8) New crisp cabinet's will arrive Wednesday. Don't put quavers in these!!!
9) AJP to remind people to put up no drugs and no smoking signs at start of shift, not after. Last night it was very bad.
10) Look in toilets always.
POINTS TO REMEMBERS:
*Wear a team.
*Any questions ask me.
*Right that's it.

NEXT MEETING: AJP to hold it round his place.