MIKE & ME - WITH CHRIS RYAN
The Hedgehog - Can't Pay Won't Pay Road Tickets 556 1992

Chris takes a 'Ry' look at his life in showbiz, from 'The Young Ones' to that episode of 'Only Fools And Horses' about the mobile phones. Oh, and that thing about short people. And the episode of 'One Foot In The Grave' where there were two of the fuckers
Every Day at the Pleasant 17.00 (18.00) £10.00 (£7.00)

MERGE THE DIRGE
'Dundunning' - Cathy Street, Her Region Tickets 556 2993

A brand new quiz show in which plagiarist chancer Cathy Dunning has to choose two or more remnants of popular culture and create something 'new'. After successfully merging the 'ditch the losers' element of Big Brother with 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' (and a bit of Fifteen-To-One) to create 'The Weakest Link' Cathy will continue in much the same veign by combining two or more unsteady chemical compounds and blowing her face inside out.  Hoorah.
At Home 7.30 (7.30) Free

ROBERT BATHURST PRESENTS '20th CENTURY BATHURST'
Venue 17 - The Kipster Tickets 556 2987

Sequel to last year's sell-out 'Dial M For Memories', award-winning comedian Robert Bathurst ('Joking Apart', 'The Black Adder' pilot, at least two other things), examines Bathursts through the ages. Did King Alfred Bathurst really burn the quiche and did Oliver Cromwell Bathurst 'go south of the river at this time of night'? Find out in this funny show.
Aug 15 - 29 17.30 (18.45) £5.00 (£4.00)

TV GO HOME
Venue 54 - 39 Cream Street Tickets 556 2983

Stage version of the hilarious web-site. Watch a peripheral '11 O'Clock Show' writer come on stage and start to do something which looks like it might almost be funny but then become disappointed as it turns joyless and forced. Music by The References
Aug 5 - 27 21.00 (22.00) £7.00 (£6.50)

CHRIS MORRIS IN 'IT'S ONLY LAUGHTER, BUT...'
Unwin's Hip Honk, Room 3 Tickets 556 2810

Television favourite Chris Morris returns to the Fringe with his one-man show celebrating 15 years in broadcasting. Music and surprises galore as Chris has his cake and eats it. At the piano, Ice T
'You don't need a sense of humour but it helps' - Chris Morris
Aug 7 - 13, 16, 18 - 20, 23 - 27 19.35 (20.35) £8.00 (£7.00)

SIMON PEGG IS IMPORTANT
Room 17 - Woolaway's Passage Tickets 556 2981

Do you think Simon Pegg is important? Do you think he's the greatest comedian in the world, bar no one? Then join Simon Pegg and his family for a relaxed debate on the matter at gunpoint
'A Must' - Pimon Segg (no relation)
Aug 10 - 15 21.20 (22.20) £6.00 (£5.00)

I'M BRITISH, I WAS BORN HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
Lickwood's Barn, Venue 19 Tickets 556 2987

Junior Simpson hosts an evening of the worst in British Black Comedy
'Dark' - The Guardian
Aug 2 - 25 22.30 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

PAUL KAYE PRESENTS 'WE ALL KNOW ONE OF THOSE'
The Lead Balloon III - Upstairs Tickets 556 1928

A rare chance to see the award-winning comedian try out some new characters, including 'The Store Detective', and someone who's a bit like Dennis Pennis, only different. 'Paul Kaye is the greatest Scottish...oh sorry, that's the other one' - The Daily Newspaper
Aug 23 - 27 19.00 (21.30) £10.00 (£9.00)

TEE HEE - AREN'T WE CONTROVERSIAL
Venue 30 - McThoday House Tickets 556 2981

Avalon Promotions pay some piss-poor illustrator to parody the cover of the official Edinburgh Fringe Guide for their own PR pamphlet, then stand back and giggle at all the mayhem and confusion they've caused
Aug 2 - 28 22.20 (23.00) Free

ADAM BLOOM
Venue 28 - Assembly Rooms Tickets 556 2090

Having already won the coveted Adam Bloom award for being Adam Bloom, Adam Bloom returns to Edinburgh to see if he can scoop any other made-up-on-the-spot-so-that-'Edinburgh Or Bust'-can-end-their-series-on-a-high awards. On offer are the 'Sop Thrown By Advertisers' Award for contributions to losing the Tizer commercial to Paul Putner, and the 'Basically Just A Young Lee Hurst With A Stupid Jewish Face So Why Is Everyone So Fucking Quick To Say He's Brilliant?' Award for being a tosser.
'He's a cunt' - Jerry Sadowitz
'Whay aye, man, Adam - I shagged that little vorgin last neet man' - Ross Noble
Aug 5 - 17 20.00 (21.00) £10.00 (no concessions)

THE CAMBRIDGE FOOTLIGHTS PRESENT 'WE'VE MADE NO EFFORT'
The Bloated Seabass, Room 2 Tickets 556 2918

Jon Perky, Matt Face, Becky Cooksfood and a bloke who looks about twelve present their latest abomination. Characters include a paranoid mindreader, a vicar who's scared of religion, and Mr Says-The-Wrong-Things-In-A-Public-Place. Music from the one who owns a guitar. Book now to avoid
Aug 3 - 23, 25 19.00 (20.00) £5.00 (£4.00)

THEY'VE BEEN GOOD TO US
The Old Gilded Balloon, Ground Level Tickets 556 6548

Malcolm Hardee, Ted Chippington and Tony Allen host an evening of comedy which isn't very funny but for some reason gets the unconditional support of younger comedians. After the show, Arthur Smith will run you home in his car
Aug 4 - 30 22.00 (23.30) £10.00 (£8.00)

SKINT DVD
The Big Bar, top floor Tickets 556 1098

Steve Gribben and the other one re-invent themselves for the 90s
Aug 6 - 9 21.00 (22.00) £8.00 (£7.00)

LATE AND LIVE
Venue 3, Heimerdinger Road Tickets 556 1726

Women who've missed their periods play with electricity
July 29 - Aug 27 21.30 (22.00) £15.00 (£13.00)

SEX
Calders Gilded Balloon, the wee venue Tickets 556 1099

Stage version of the popular pastime featuring all your favourites
July 2 - Aug 29 21.30 (22.00) £15.00 (£13.00)

TEE HEE, AREN'T WE CONTROVERSIAL TOO
Corpses House, Corpses Street, Corpseville Tickets 556 2998

Some Of The Corpses Are Amusing parody the official Edinburgh Fringe Guide and make a load of silly, flippant, jokes about Simon Pegg which, once again, are going to be misconstrued as 'personal abuse' by his many fans
July 29 - Aug 24 22.00 (23.00) £5 (£4)

McWARA - THE SCOTTISH WARA
Venue 17, McParkhurst Tickets 556 2314

(CANCELLED)

‹

KAREN KOREN IN 'IT'S ALL A BIT MAD HERE AT THE MOMENT, HA HA HA HA HA HA'
Gilded Balloon, Inner Office

Join gushing middle-class Gilded Balloon star Karen Koren as she walks around with a glass of champagne trying to understand comedy.  And balance sheets.
'Oh yeah - her' - Everyone
All through the Fringe and beyond

BOSTOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS
(CANCELLED, until we can find a way of getting 'barrels' involved...)

OUTRAGEOUS IN CANADA
Calders Gilded Balloon, the poo venue Tickets 556 1099

Join the politically incorrect trio as they do lots of material about wanking and having sex with animals in the mistaken belief that this is somehow still shocking
'Sick' - Richard Herring
Aug 4 - 30 22.00 (23.30) £10.00 (£8.00)

PELT JANE ROOT
Pleasance Courtyard Free

Queue up to pelt BBC2 controller Jane Root with wet sponges and rotting vegetation. At the end of the event she will get up and be replaced by someone more or less the same
Aug 21

DARK
Venue 19 - The Old Curiosity Shop Tickets 556 2980

Chris Morris and The League Of Gentlemen sit in a pitch-black room and throw blood at each other
Aug 2 and 3 21.00 (22.00) £10.00 (£9.00)

WICKEDLY FUNNY
Venue 12 - Assemblage Rooms Tickets 556 2992

A serial rapist watches an episode of 'Dad's Army'
Aug 17 20.30 (21.00) £7.00 (£6.00)

ALL YOUR BOOSH ARE BELONG TO US
(CANCELLED)

THE THING IS, COMEDY IS SUBJECTIVE
Terminal 12 - Jeremy's Cybercafe Tickets 556 1888

Share your inane, pointless views with some girls off the internet
All Through The Festival.

VACUOUS ARSEHOLES IN OFFICES WHO RUSHED HOME FROM WORK TO SEE WHETHER PAUL HAD SHAGGED HELEN ON BIG BROTHER YET
Venue 33 The Pleasant, Pleasant Drive, Pleasantville Tickets 556 2423

We despair of you.
Aug 5 - 18 13.00 (14.30) £5.00 (£4.50)

SO YOU WANT TO BE A BLOKE WHO APPEARS IN THINGS? - WITH LEE CORNES
A Room Above Londis (Venue 27) Tickets 556 2817

Cornes, a veteran of being a bloke who appears in things, hosts a workshop for aspiring young blokes who want to appear in things
Aug 5 - 18 13.00 (14.30) £5.00 (£4.50)

THE AMAZING COLIN
Assembly Rooms, Hallway 9 Tickets 556 1099

Michael Cashman.
Aug 12 - 29 20.00 (21.00) £7.00 (£6.00)

THE MEANINGLESS EDINBURGH DEBATE
Venue 3 - Assembly Rooms, 54 Walter Street Tickets 556 2199

This year - 'Who's funnier - blacks or whites?'. An Asian bloke argues that Kulvinder Ghir is funnier than Ted Rogers and a white bloke argues that 'Fawlty Towers' is better than 'Blouse & Skirt'. The evening culminates in them watching the 'Island Of St Vincent' sketch from 'Not The Nine O'Clock News' and shutting the fuck up
Aug 19 12.00 (15.00) £7.00 (£6.00)

POETRY AT THE FRINGE
Venue 19, 34 Camberley Road Tickets 556 2871

JOHN COOPER CLARKE
That skinny Liverpudlian from the 70s returns to Edinburgh to entertain and amaze the sort of idiots who think that a screwed-up ex-heroin addict spouting crap in a silly voice is actually the coolest thing in the world. After the show, John will sign autographs and snog gullible twat female post-grads who are trying desperately to reinvent themselves by buying into some kind of cheap 'alternative' myth. Feel like a Nico for the 90s with John Cooper Clarke's pot-marked hand down your pants, then phone up your sub-paedophile failed poet tutor and impress him, but not a word to Mrs Cooper Clarke and their little daughter, obviously...
Aug 17

JOHN HEGLEY in D’YE KENNEL JOHN GLASSES?
Aug 15 - 19

FUCK OFF WITH McGOUGH
Roger McGough finally snaps as he runs out of chummy, friendly puns
Aug 14

MICHAEL ROSEN'S 'I DON'T LIKE MY CABBAGE. MUM'
A treat for kids and adults alike. Michael takes us on a nostalgic trip through thirty years of totally missing the point about what children actually care about
Aug 10, 11, 12 and 15

BENJAMIN ZEPHANIAH'S 'CONSTERNATION ACROSS THE NATION'
Ben's in one of his moods again
July 19

IVOR CUTLER TALES FROM A BATTERED HINNY, PART 3
The 97 year old scary Scot talks in that voice and duly makes a load of spunk shoot out of the Festival’s cock. With illustrations by Martin Honeysett’
Aug 19

BILLY McCONNOLLY - THE SCOTTISH BILLY CONNOLLY
Assembly Rooms, Venue 1 Tickets 556 2911

The Big Yin dons his false beard yet again and tells everybody that he was a welder on the Clyde and that Scotland's an absolute blast before pissing off back to California or wherever he bloody lives for another eight years
Aug 2 19.30 (10.00) £25 (£20)

Ed Byrne Says
HOW COME I'M NOT IN IT?
C/O The Irony Club, London Tickets 556 1928

Join Ed Byrne and all his mates in wondering why we left them out of this parody.
Aug 2 19.30 (10.00) £25 (£20)

WHOOPS ISLAM
Venue18 - King Tut's Wah Wah Hut Tickets 556 9354

I wonder if you would consider making jokes about making jokes in the same vein concerning the Muslim faith? Well, now here’s your chance with this hilarious look at the lighter side of that pile of toss otherwise known as The Koran.  Yeah, aren't we dangerous. Featuring the classic scene where Prophet Muhummad falls over in a wine bar
Aug 2 - 24 19.30 (10.00) £25 (£20)

GIVING FILMS GOOD REVIEWS SO THAT YOUR MAGAZINE GETS A FREE PLUG ON THE BILLBOARDS
Venue 39 - The Obviouness, Princess Street  Tickets 556 9354

'Brilliant' - Empire
'Brilliant' - NME
'Brilliant' - Time Out
'Brilliant' - Heat
'Brilliant' - Caravan Advertiser
Aug 3 - 26 20.00 (22.00) £15.00 (£10.00)

IN RELATIVE TERMS
Venue 29 - The Theatre Tickets 556 564

A new play from Alan Aykbourne, one of this country’s best loved unfunny formulaic playwrights
Aug 3 - 2620.00 (22.00) £15.00 (£10.00)

ANNOYED WITH THE BOYDS
Venue 98 - The Wide Awake Club Tickets 556 9484

Join Darren Boyd (the bloke one from Smack The Pony) and Tommy Boyd (the slightly depressing Talk Sport presenter who probably used to be in Magpie or some such shit) talk about what annoys them in 90s Britain
Aug 28 - 2921.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

JERRY SADOWITZ - MAD, BAD AND F%£*ING DANGEROUS TO KNOW
Venue 51 - The Pall Bearers Revue Tickets 556 2651

The temperamental genius madman Sadowitz returns to the festival for more outrageous, razor’s edge stand-up. Who knows what will happen when the insane, dark, disturbed ‘Mr Nasty’ of comedy hits the stage? Shows start at 7:38pm sharp, with an afternoon rehearsal and tech run at 2pm and 26 seconds. There is no show on 31 August when Jerry has other professional commitments - ie, discussing the tax details for his new TV series with Channel 5 actuaries, writing out tour programmes in really neat handwriting, penning enthusiastic and reverent articles about the masters of card magic, and listening to his Nick Drake CDs. Pre-booked tickets available in the headrest of his train seat
‘Yeah, but I think my argument still works...’ - Stewart Lee
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

JEW IN A HAT
Venue 29 - McGolders Green Tickets 556 8222

Ivor Dembina
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

Dr Phil Hammond (the speccy bloke from Trust Me I’m A Doctor) presents
WHY DON’T I JUST FUCK OFF?
Venue 10 - Channel 5 Tickets 556 9044

Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

Sarah Alexander in
JUST ME
Venue 90 - Chuckles' Mirth Box Tickets 556 2879

Join Sarah for a galaxy of new characters, who are basically just her with her hair a bit different. This talented young actress can turn her hand to anything, as long as it’s a slightly posh woman with big eyes. Catch her now
‘Y’know, I got my tits out in Armstrong & Miller?’ - Sarah Alexander
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

GEORGE JEFFRIE and BERT TYLER MOORE in
'LOOSE ENDS', HERE WE COME
Venue 90 - Nowhere, Nothing Tickets 556 2879

The non-descript duo explain - via pie charts and a brief slide show - how their career in comedy is likely to progress, all being well
‘A bit bland for us’ - The Men Who Know
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

KEBABURGER
Venue18 - King Tut's Wah Wah Hut Tickets 556 1888

Stage version of the spotless takeaway emporium, featuring the chips
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

FLOSS WITH ROSS
Venue 28 - McNFT Tickets 556 2039

Robert Ross presents a celebration of dentistry’s most erstwhile commodity. ‘I’ve never really been into orthodontal stuff before,’ admits Robert. ‘But it’s classic oral hygiene that has delighted generations, so I thought the money...sorry, I mean a reappraisal...was long overdue.’
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

OWEN O’NEILL
Venue 20 - McThat Place In London Tickets 556 2000

The hit comedian presents a full-length monologue, this year on a subject very close to his heart - namely, appearing in one episode of 'Loose Talk' in 1992
‘Brilliant. Never has the subject of appearing in one episode of 'Loose Talk' in 1992 been tackled so poignantly...’ - The Guardian
Aug 27 20.00 (22.00) £6.00 (£5.00)

GORMAN-GHAST
(CANCELLED DUE TO A LEAKY ROOF)

JOURNALISTS
Venue 14 - McFleet Street Tickets 556 1888

Stage version of the popular bastards. The show starts with them making up a story which they know full well they’re going to get sued for, on the basis that the projected readership the story will initially reap will more than cover the damages. The evening ends with the lot of them (no matter how erudite they are) being shot through the lungs. This will be followed by the world being a better place
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

GAY PEOPLE will be
JUST GETTING ON WITH THEIR LIVES
throughout the festival

Join the majority of homosexuals as they (a) talk in normal voices, (b) refuse to like Steps, (c) think of 'The Wizard Of Oz' as a kids' film, and (d) never even watch Eastenders let alone fancy a female character just because she has short hair. With music from Led Zeppelin
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

Venue 99- New Musical Express,Tickets 556 1997

Join chart-toppers Coldplay for an evening without a difference. Expect the expected, as the bland combo sing a selection of uninteresting metaphors in an whiney American accent. Y’know, like they’re the only people in the world to feel a bit miserable now and again. I mean, at least Morrissey knew a joke or two. Every night, until the media’s angst rock remit is filled by someone else
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

Geoffrey Perkins presents
HEAD OF COMEDY
Venue18 - King Tut's Wah Wah Hut Tickets 556 1878

Climb inside Geoffrey’s ‘Head of comedy’ for an experience you’ll never forget
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

JOHNNY CIGARETTES
Venue 89 - McIPC Magazines Tickets 556 1888

NME writer Johnny Cigarettes (real name Jonathan Gregory Sharpson-Smythe) tries stand-up for the first and last time
‘You’re ultimately attracted to the things you hate...’ - Noel Fielding
July 30 21.00 (21.02) £4.00 (£3.00)

Dr Hackenbush Presents
EASYNOTHING

Some Of the Corpses Are Amusing Present
SEVERAL JOKES WHICH ONLY THEIR MATES WILL UNDERSTAND
Venue 45 - Corpses House, Luxembourg Tickets 556 1888

And even they won't find them particularly funny...
June 5 21.00 (22.00) Free

JULIA DAVIS in
THAT BRISTOL SCHOOLGIRL CHARACTER I USED TO DO ON 'COMEDY NATION'
Venue 45 - Corpses House, Luxembourg Tickets 556 1888

Join Julia for her contractually-bound back-up plan
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

SLEEP
Venue 65 - Bedding, Reading Tickets 556 1888

Stage version of the popular bodily function. Every night at 'Tonkinson’s'
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

IAN COLLINS
The Radio - Somewhere along the Dial, Medium Wave Tickets 556 1888

Stage version of the popular wanker. Join Ian and the ‘Creatures’ for an evening of ill-informed circular arguments. His special guest will be moon-faced Mike Dickin, who will drone on about racism in the police force like he gives a fuck. The show will end with everyone suddenly realising it’s morning
Aug 5 - 29 21.00 (6.45) £10.00 (£5.00)

HEAT
Venue18 - King Tut's Wah Wah Hut Tickets 556 1888

Stage version of the bland magazine written by the kind of self-serving media spin quacks who think we should be endlessly fascinated by nobodies like Posh Spice and Leonardo di Caprio because it fits in with their vacuous, bile-brained, tuna sandwich idea of what people actually get excited about. Tickets available in your lunch hour at work, but you’ll just throw them away immediately afterwards anyway and wish you’d bought some crisps instead
‘Brilliant - reference material!’ - Lee & Herring
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

SCOTT CHISHOLM - SLIGHTLY BLUE!
In Me Chrysalis - Doily Woods Tickets 556 1888

The small boy from that expensive BBC 'small people' promo film slowly suffocates with a Tesco carrier bag over his head on the front cover of the new Radio Times
Aug 4 21.00 (22.00) £5.00 (£4.00)

MARK LAMARR
Venue 43 - Ailie's Cream Pie, Queen Street Tickets 556 1888

The hit comic (real name Marcus Gregory Lambson) unveils a new character. Not in the name of comedy - just a precaution against getting his head kicked in. At the end of the performance, Lamarr will throw off his disguise and exclaim ‘I fooled you all, for ’tis I - Mark Lamarr!’ and the audience will gasp in amazement. Then they’ll kick his head in
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

THE TWO LAURIE TAYLORS
Venue 12 - Plowman's Lunchbox Tickets 556 1888

Whimsical chat from Laurie Taylor the sociology professor, and (on the piano) Laurie Taylor the bloke who does the sound on things like 'French & Saunders'
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

JUST MY PAWLUK!
Venue 67 - Christmas Tape Island Tickets 556 1888

Editing videotape isn’t all a bed of roses...
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

THE PERRIER AWARD AND BEING GAY
MY LIFE IN TWO ACTS
Venue 29 - Club Cashman Tickets 556 1888

Simon Fanshawe
Aug 28 - 29 21.00 (22.45) £10.00 (£9.00)

QUEEEEESTIIIIIOOOON TIIIIIMEEEEEEEE
Venue 84 - BBC Scotland Tickets 556 1767

An even woozier version of the late-night discussion show
‘Whoo, look - vertical hold...’ - Chris Morris
Aug 5 - 18 0.00 (0.24) £10.00 (£9.00)

THE SECOND WORLD WAR
Stalag 13 - Lord Haw Haw's Laughter Camp Tickets 556 1939

Live version of the popular conflict. Much like the real thing, only with radio mics. And Hitler’s wig isn’t quite on right
'Very much of its time' - Polly Toynbee
'The cheesy racism hasn't dated well' - Stewart Lee
'Well, we had a lot of fun doing it' - Adolf Hitler
Aug 15 - 29 21.00 (22.00) £10.00 (£9.00)

LEE MACK AND FRIES, PLEASE
(CANCELLED)

RECEIVED OPINIONS
Venue15 - 60 Pleasant, The Pleasant Tickets 556 1988

An exhibition of received opinions will be on display outside The Pleasant throughout the festival. Favourites include:
70% of Monty Python was rubbish, when you look at it
The last scene in Blackadder Goes Forth was really moving
Smack The Pony should really ditch those songs
Comedy, you see, is all about laughter
Immerse yourself in the inanity of it all, and meet others who share your original, provocative and wrong view. Tickets available in the sock you always lose down the launderette
All Day Event

YOKO ONO
Film 3 - Bottoms Drive, Self Portrait Street Tickets 556 1982

The avant garde con artist returns to her first love - stand up
Aug 1 - 29 21.30 (23.45) £10.00 (£9.00)