INT. CORPSES HOUSE. DAY
MIKE4
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Some Of The Corpses Are Amusing cash-in comedy Christmas Book.
JOE4
I'm still not sure about all this, Mike.
MIKE4
Shush. I've got it all planned out now. The Some Of The Corpses Are Amusing cash-in comedy Christmas Book, ideal for entertaining all our readers during the Yuletide break. It'll be great.
JOE4
I don't know if we've even got any readers left to be honest.
MIKE4
Course we have. And it's time to give them something back. And how better than with the Some Of the Corpses Are Amusing cash-in comedy Christmas Boo...
JOE4
Yeah, okay, you can stop selling it now. How are we planning to do this exactly?
MIKE4
Simple - we do it like every other cash-in book ever written. First off we need a Radio Times parody and a Comedy Pop page...
JOE4:
Oh, I'm with you. And the 'Day In The Life Of A Room Of My Own With A View' pisstake, yeah? And the 'My Guy' photostory pastiche?
MIKE4:
Of course. And that old staple, the Comedy Menu. Think of the fun - we could have 'Edit Stews', 'Simon Peggs Benedictine', 'Field-Removed A L'Orange'...
JOE4:
'Garlic Butter On The Radio'
MIKE4:
'Lobster Thermador...ect Action'
JOE4:
'Plebs, Beans & Chips'. Cor. The possibilities have ended.
MIKE4:
How about 'The SOTCAA Map Of The World', divided politically into people who have seen first-series 'Absolutely' and, I dunno, Nicaraguans or something.
JOE4:
Those poor deluded fools...
MIKE4:
Indeed. And then we'll need some full-page mock-up parodies of popular magazine covers but with rude words in them.
JOE4:
Cor - this comedy stuff is easier than I thought.
MIKE4:
Then we wrap the whole thing in paper, throw it in the vague direction of somebody with a Photoshop package, et voila - one cash-in comedy Christmas Book for people to giggle over in the toilet at friends' student parties.
JOE4:
That's assuming one's friends keep their internet access in the toilet.
MIKE4:
Yes.
JOE4:
Hold on though - if we're doing this on the net with no advertising then how does it count as a 'cash-in' exactly?
MIKE4:
Well it doesn't obviously. But at least on the net there's no chance of it ending up in the remaindered section of Smiths with a big fuck-off 'REDUCED' sticker over my face.
JOE4:
That's a shame. It rather suits you.
MIKE4:
Cheers. So what shall we paste-in first?
JOE4:
Not really bothered. I just hope it starts properly soon because this is turning into a suspiciously long piece of foolscap.
MIKE4:
Uh-huh - oh, Drinks Menu - a 'Wider Pitcher of orange juice'!
JOE4:
Yeah, yeah, freshly squeezed from 'Seville (transcript) Oranges', no doubt. Just had a thought actually - how are we going to do this properly without Rob on hand to press all the right buttons?
MIKE4:
Well, it can't be all that difficult. It's only internets - nothing spectacular.
JOE4
But aren't there all sorts of technical things to consider? What about bandwidth?
MIKE
What about it?
JOE4
Well, what is it for a start?
MIKE4
Not sure. Tell you what - there's a newsagents on the next page. We can buy some What-PC-Drivers-Dot-Com-Monthly type magazines. There's bound to be some nice user-friendly hints for novices such as ourselves.
JOE4
That's a link, right?
MIKE4
No, this is:
A hyperlink apparently. Good, eh?
JOE4:
Aye. Pure bloody Python, mate.
MIKE4
Well, I prefer the term 'post-Python', etc... Anyway. Chinese food - 'Safety In Numbers 37, 29, 85 and a portion of fried rice'?
JOE4:
'Steak and kidney pilot'?
MIKE4
'A few rushes of bacon'?
JOE4:
Stop now...
